Don’t you wish elections ended like Animal House? I refer not to a wildly destructive parade in which cartoonish villains receive their comic comeuppance (although that too would be entertaining: ramming speed, Mr. President!), but to the handy denouement subtitles that let you know what becomes of the characters we met along the way?
Well, the time has come for someone to put his foot down. And that foot is me. I hereby declare our first and only post-election pre-future imagineering challenge. Let’s imagine what lies ahead for the people we got to know, love, hate and imagine naked*. Here are a few examples of what I mean:
John McCain – Spent the critical first 100 days of his non-presidency in his bathrobe compulsively uttering new slogan: keep out of my backyard, you squirrel. In cruel twist, lived to be 140.
Joe Biden – After gaffe-filled campaign, ordered by President Obama to spend most of his time in John McCain’s backyard, dressed as a squirrel.
Joe the Plumber – Changed phone number after harassing calls from an “H. Clinton” trying to schedule an appointment for Iowa in 2016.
Sarah Palin – Anchor, CBS Evening News, 2009-2032.
Hope – Smothered to death by a severe economic recession. Revived in 2015 as the name of Lindsay Lohan’s new fragrance.
OK, these kind of suck, but you get the idea. Pick any personality you want. Foresee his or her future. Flat-out funniest entry gets a prize.
* Sarah Palin only. (OK, fine, Hillary too. And, just the one time, Kucinich.)
