Categories: Scott Feschuk

Hi! I’m Baby Jesus. Hope you enjoy my blog!

A new batch of shepherds showed up. I’m liveblogging it. 3:22 Bowing. 3:23 Kneeling.

by Scott Feschuk on Monday, December 8, 2008 5:00pm - 148 Comments

Baby Jesus: the Blog

User Profile: I am the Son of God, the Prince of Peace and the Messiah. I am also good with tools.

Likes: Carpentry, Fish, Hugs

Dislikes: Money-changers, Cruelty, Shaving

What I’m Doing Right Now: Various people are bringing me laud

12/25/0

4:33 a.m. Hi, I’m Baby Jesus. Welcome to my blog! It’s a place where I can write down my feelings about stuff and junk, tell you about what’s going down here in B-hem and keep you up to date on the redeeming of mankind. Enjoy!

4:54 So this is antiquity. Question: are there always this many cows around?

7:22 I don’t know about these swaddling clothes. Swaddling is pretty 10 B.M. (Before Me) if you know what I’m saying. What do you think? Answer my online poll.

10:36 Just spent the last 90 minutes being adored. Next up: an hour, maybe two, of being beheld. Surprisingly fatiguing.

11:51 Man, this is awkward. There’s this kid who’s been playing his drum for me for, like, ever. Which is great and everything, and the ox and lamb seem to be enjoying themselves—but has no one in this town heard of a melody? Maybe if I smile at him he’ll stop.

12:08 p.m. Pah-rum-pum-pum-pum. Oh great, now that’s going to be in my head all day.

1:39 Let’s take a question from the mailbag. Shepherd23987612 asks: “Baby Jesus, will sinners burn in the fires of Hell for all eternity or for a finite period that reflects the severity of their transgressions?” Good question, Shepherd239etc. (Spoiler alert!) Eternity. Remember: I don’t make the rules, I just serve as a physical manifestation of the omnipotent deity who does.

2:12 While it is true there are no limits to my capacity for forgiveness, let’s try to keep things civilized in the comments section, okay? It’s getting out of hand. Kill everyone under the age of 2? That’s real classy, KingHerodRocks.

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Tags: Jesus gets a blog

More by Scott Feschuk

Victor W

What possessed the magazine to post the Compassion Canada ad next to Scott F’s adolescent article?
Sheer thoughtlessness…but if intentional, cruelness.
This is not National Lampoon!
Andy

I’m a devout Christian, and because of that if I were reading this to a church group, I’d leave out a couple lines. That said, I found most of it hilarious and was laughing out loud reading this at a magazine stand. Excellent satire, Mr. Feschuk!

But I construed it as satire not of Christ himself but of some Western-Christian sensibilities. I’m *always* down for some satire on *that* front, that’s for sure.
Jesus Christ (isa Islam)

Islam is the answer and it is not easy to find me. God protects me from people and there evil plans. Indeed God is with me. You will never be able to find me unless I show up myself in front of people and which will only happen with the will of God. I won’t expose myself unless God allows me to.

If you will read Quran, You will really find me right after you are done reading all of it.
James Short

I’m very religious. In fact I just got off the phone with Jesus. He says this piece was a hoot and a kick in the ass of self-righteousness and hypocrisy. Jesus really hates hypocrisy.

Yet he told me to ask you if you’d consider switching religions.
http://hotmail daniel ramirez

i think your a very cool guy,i have to tell u i like your blog! but yes i dot know if your a christhan but i
think God is a person we should honer.i would like to know what u think?. remember,my name is Daniel.

write back
Jack Meogh

I don’t think this is “ridicule” for Jesus’ birth. I think it is just a slightly humorous perspective on a baby living through the events described in the Bible (and popular culture like “The Little Drummer Boy”). It’s more of a statement about today’s ephemeral culture. I mean really, who has as fun and interesting a life as the one described on their FaceBook page?

If you’re offended by this, stop reading it, but don’t go criticizing the author or those who find it funny.
Sheelagh

Oh God (ummm…I mean “Hi there! May have an autograph “?). Your blog is simply heavenly and too, too funny. I always new creation (specifically mine), showed God had a ripped sense of humor). Wish I had found your blog at Christmas when it really would have helped , Perhaps if I had prayed ???
Miriam

Hello Scott Feschuk,

I love your work!! Does that give me permission to correct your use of English? If not, read no further.

You used the phrase, “try and sell”. That’s incorrect; it should be, “try to sell”. Almost every time we use the word ‘try’ it ought to be followed by “to”, as in, “try to find”.

‘and’ can only be used where each word can stand on its own in the sentence, such as, “shot and killed”.

Thanks.
http://www.ucg.org Sabbat

Thanks for reply.
God bless you.
To know more go Sabbath
Thanks
Student

This kinda sucks because we studies this in class, thanks!
student from tra

first post !!!!!!!!!!!!
Randy

what will i have for Christmas? thank you
C.D.

Why did God punish Randy and remove one of his balls? He did nothign wrong…
http://devilandgod.com rashidajones

Considerably, the post is in reality the top on spiritual discussion and valuable theme. I concur together with your conclusions and will thirstily look forward for your upcoming religious updates and articles.
http://devilandgod.com rashidajones

Considerably, the post is in reality the top on spiritual discussion and valuable theme. I concur together with your conclusions and will thirstily look forward for your upcoming religious updates and articles.
http://twitter.com/darleenw @darleenw

It is funny. Lighten up everyone. It is not making fun at Christianity or Jesus – read it again without your cynicism turned on :)
Laughing at ourselves is healthy. Of course that is just my opinion.
http://twitter.com/darleenw @darleenw

It is funny. Lighten up everyone. It is not making fun at Christianity or Jesus – read it again without your cynicism turned on :)