Theo Fleury was abused: "An absolute nightmare, every day of my life"

MACLEAN’S EXCLUSIVE: Harrowing details from his new book and interview with the retired NHL star

by Charlie Gillis on Friday, October 9, 2009 11:28am - 110 Comments

Theoren Fleury was abused: "An absolute nightmare, every day of my life"Retired hockey star Theoren Fleury has at long last confirmed that he was sexually abused by his junior coach, Graham James, a trauma he says drove him to alcohol, drugs and promiscuity throughout his otherwise impressive 16-year NHL career. “The direct result of my being abused was that I became a f—ing raging, alcoholic lunatic,” he writes in Playing with Fire, an autobiography to be released this week, and provided in advance to Maclean’s. “[James] destroyed my belief system. The most influential adult in my life at the time was telling me that what I thought was wrong was right.

“I no longer had faith in myself or my own judgment. And when you come down to it, that’s all a person has. Once it’s gone, how do you get it back?”

It is an account the hockey world has long waited to hear, as Fleury’s career had been one of the most spectacularly troubled in NHL history. For years, the spark-plug forward has stone-walled questions about his time with James, even as his violent outbursts on the ice and binges off it pointed to something terrible in his past. Until the book, former Boston Bruin Sheldon Kennedy had been the only player to go public about being abused by James. He was hailed as a hero for coming forward, and said at the time one other NHL player had been abused. He did not name the player, and while speculation quickly enveloped Fleury, it died off when it became clear the player had no intention of addressing the issue.

In his book, however, Fleury lifts the lid on the entire harrowing tale, beginning when the Manitoba coach recruited him at 13 from his minor hockey team in Russell, Man., to play junior in Winnipeg. “Graham was on me once or twice a week for the next two years,” Fleury writes of the assaults, whose memories remain vivid to him. “An absolute nightmare, every day of my life.” James required him to sleep two nights a week at the coach’s house, rather than with the woman with whom he’d been billetted. He tried to fight off the coach at first, wrapping himself in blankets each night and pretending to sleep as James attempted to masturbate him and give him oral sex. But the fear of James’s advances left him sleepless, and exhaustion broke him down, he writes; so too did James’s frequent warnings that, without his coach’s support, he stood little chance of playing professional hockey.

Fleury, now 41, says he was particularly vulnerable to James’s psychological manipulation because had little in the way of a family support system: his father was an alcoholic and his mother was addled by prescription sedatives. James easily convinced them he was the best thing to ever happen to their son, Fleury adds, just as he had done with Kennedy’s single mother. “I had rarely seen them like this—happy,” he says. “Their boy had made it. My dad was no longer a worthless drunk and my mom drugged out and helpless.” When James’s Western Hockey League team, the Winnipeg Warriors, moved to Moose Jaw, both Fleury and Kennedy went with him. A year later, James was let go amid rumours of inappropriate behaviour and returned to Winnipeg with Kennedy in tow. He tried to convince Fleury to go with him, blandishing him and Kennedy that summer with a car trip to Disneyland. Earlier reports that Fleury had been asleep in the backseat of the car when James sexually abused Kennedy in the front during that trip were true, Fleury writes. But that wasn’t the half of it. The three stayed in motels throughout the trip, he says, and the boys would have to take turns sleeping with James. “Think about how sick that is,” Fleury writes. “When he dropped me off at my parents’ place after that trip, that was it. It was over. I was out, home free.”

Fleury says he kept the abuse a secret at the time because he was sure it would end his hockey career. “I could see how it would play. I would have been stigmatized forever as the kid who was molested by his coach. The Victim.

“Would minor hockey have said, ‘Wow, we better watch out for Theoren and protect him because he told the truth’? No. It would have been James was a pervert and Fleury ‘let him’ molest him. Or I would be the equally pervy kid who had a ‘relationship’ with his coach. Would I have been invited to the Hockey Canada camp that led to Piestany, which led to the NHL? Get real.” His refusal to come clean after James was arrested in 1997 is harder to explain. It effectively made Kennedy—his friend and teammate at the time in Calgary—the public face of the scandal (a third player who was abused while James was coach of the WHL Swift Current Broncos in the late 1980s has also remained anonymous). In an exclusive interview with Maclean’s this week, Fleury says the two addressed the issue in summer of 1997, in Arizona. “I respected his decision and Sheldon respected mine,” he says. “Secretly, I think we’ve both known that we’ve always had each others’ support. Now we go to a [12-step] meeting together every week, and that’s been a gift. I think we started repairing the relationship that night in Arizona.”

As it turned out, Fleury lived in fear throughout his pro career that the truth about he and James would come out. He quickly learned that liquor and drugs dulled his anxiety, and Playing with Fire recalls that descent in painstaking detail. He discovered alcohol at 16 and, after being drafted by the Calgary Flames in 1987, he began using marijuana and cocaine, quickly becoming, in his own words, a full-blown addict. Through all this, he was engaged in three long-term relationships, marrying twice and having four children. But as his career progressed, stripper bars became his home away from home, he says.

In New York, where he signed as a free agent with the Rangers in 1999, his addictions reached epic proportions, and he sunk to cringe-inducing depths. To flummox testers from the NHL’s substance abuse program, he would pour Gatorade into his urine samples. He even used urine from his then-infant son Beaux to fool the system. Meanwhile, his taste in company became increasingly grimy. “I didn’t hang out on the surface with your average Joe,” Fleury writes. “I would go five, six, seven, eight levels below the streets of New York and party with freaks, transvestites, strippers and all kinds of shady people.”

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  • Jerome

    Good luck.Theo,your story really is a awaking,for Parents to pay more attention &protection for their children,in any instituitions ,Church's, any sport facilitys, you are a brave man to tell your Story,I always admired you as a player,you have been a Icon,to many people on the Ice & NHL,but I Beleive you are a bigger Icon,to come out to help many others around the Globe & along with your freind Kennedy,both of you can help so many .You are the winner in our hearts.

  • Char

    The saddest thing about this story is that it's only the tip of the iceberg. You have to know that there is the same sort of abuse going on even as we speak. I hope to God Fleury's story gives other boys the courage to speak up NOW. God keep you Theo.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/passe passe

    The truth at last . Theo , now you might recover . It was not your fault.

  • Ken

    Theoren, likely the toughest challenge you ever faced and the greatest reward you will ever receive will come from letting the truth be known. Thanks for sharing your story.

  • Stockton

    When I saw the video footage of Sheldon Kennedy going into court hearings, Fleury was with him, but they had digitized him out of focus. You could tell it was him though, they had said it was another NHLer and he was almost a head shorter. He'd played on the same team, so who else could it have been. I knew this for a long time, no matter if Theo had admitted it or not. It must feel better to finally get it off your shoulders. Congrats to you Theo, it takes a much bigger man to come out and finally point the finger at the disgusting pervert that James was and is. Too bad they don't look into these volunteer coaches much closer as we are giving our most valuable assets to them to mold. Our children.

  • marg

    Your inner strenght will get you through this. Your family, friends & fans are there for you. I first met you at female hockey function a couple of months back and was impressed with your poise and confidence, this will get you through it all. Your eyes are still reflecting saddness, you are probably in need to finishing this episode, closure and that may mean you need to press charges against this so called human Graham James. Do it, It doesnt matter who is supporting you or not, it is the finishing touch to this horrific event in your life. If ever the phrase comes into "Play" its "Game On" put that creep away again and may other players abused by this sicko come forward and do the same.

  • Joanne/Calgary

    I couldn't stop crying after I read this.

  • Renee

    My husband, daughter and I met Theo when he started playing for the Black Hawks, at some practice sessions. I had a feeling he had issues, and that his problems ran deep. I even wrote to him way back then to express concern. There was something about him that reminded me of my brother and I didn’t want to see him end up like he did (deceased at 33)

    I wish him lots of peace now. It was very brave of him to finally get those secrets out. Hopefully the road ahead will be a smoother one.

  • Denn

    SAD – so sad – child abuse is a major epidemic in our society – affecting many many boys & girls – coaches, teachers, ministers, rabbis, priests & the largest group of abusers – family members!!

    We need to all look out for the little ones – abusers are almost always known to the children & their parents. They are not strangers – but those in a position of trust!! God help all of us who have looked the other way & ran from the truth out of fear!! Please Canadians wake up & protect the little ones!!

  • Paul Buchanan

    why don't some of Graham's die-hard friends step up and say something? worried that your dark sides might be exposed also? those that provided character witnesses at the Sheldon Kennedy episode.. any comments now? any guts? or do you also have things you want to keep under cover? gay men control junior hockey team. I guess that wouldn't sound too good? not too macho.

  • Liz Walker

    Hey Theo we are all behind you while you are on your brave journey.

  • Joe

    Thank you Theo for being brave and telling your secret to the world. This happens to boys more often than people would like to admit. We here about the sexual abuse of women more often. But with us men its a difficult subject and most who have been abused feel ashamed and never come forward. I applaud your bravery and for exposing this hideous side of life. God bless you and may you find comfort and solice in the knowledge that we are all brothers and many of us have been through similar experiences and you gave us a voice.

  • Phil

    Theo, you are my hero for many reasons. Particularly for coming out of the shadows and encouraging other men who have been abused to seek help. For we victims/survivors, life is filled with challenges and pain. And we cannot unring the bell. Hopefully all parents will read your book and be educated/warned about the potential for all boys who are under the supervision of coaches and men in positions in authority who could alter the lives of their children forever. God bless you Theo and all the best to you.

  • c.francis

    Theo

    I have always enjoyed watching you play…you certainly were a sparkplug for the Flames etal. I am so glad that you have the courage it takes to come forward with this. Sheldon Kennedy and you have paved the way for others to admit this when it first happens not years later. I am so sorry for both of you that you were intimidated into keeping this quiet. I so hope that if any other young players find themselves in the same situation that they will have the courage to come forward immediately and hopefully escape some of the deep wounds that you and Sheldon have suffered. God Bless you for coming forward and taking it out of the closet and into the light where others can see the long term effects of this horrible crime.

  • Joyce

    No one should have to go through what you went through. On the other hand I find it very strange you would hire Graham James when you were part owner of the Hitmen.

  • Carol Sandberg

    Some people are mad that Fleury took him toCalgary but it wasn't until James was hired to the Hitmen organization that he was finally put in jail. Almost immediately the kids on the team were linked up to a policeman, before anything even hit the press. I wonder if this was Fleury's way of finally getting him put in jail without having to come out publically about it. The WHL couldn't very well continue to ignore the problem when it was right in their backyard. (this is assuming that the WHL had heard rumors of James behavior already). Maybe there was a method to his madness. Maybe Fleury knew something would finally be done if James was dumped on the WHL's doorstep. Don't be so quick to judge the victim. Good luck to everyone James hurt and is still hurting.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/trina98 trina98

    I feel for Theo and Sheldon,it is heartbreaking what they were subjected to at the hands of a power mongering pediophile like James masquerading as a concerned and caring hockey coach. The fact that any minor hockey coach should have any kind of real impact on whether a kid makes the NHL or not really bothers me. That opens the door for any kind of maniac coach not just a pediophile. My son was once coach by a cop who repeatedly told the boys that anything that went on in the dressing room was not to be told to the parents, and that is so not ok with me, and this creep led the parents and kids to think he was the path to the NHL as well. We spend yrs telling kids to tell us about anything like this happening to them yet they are told by someone in authority they can't talk about it. Minor hockey must do a better job of screening these creeps to keep our children safe.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/trina98 trina98

    I didn't say this in my earlier post I wish you the best of luck on your return Theo, you deserve a second chance and I do hope you can make the most of it. Congrats also on your coming out against James and finally freeing yourself of the demons that have plagued your life. Good luck at staying clean and sober, my hope is you haven't done something in your past that will come back to haunt you health wise in the future. One day at time!

  • rosanne keen

    I always knew, from the moment I looked in Theo's eyes at a maple leaf practice, that he had suffered the sexual torment and abuse. So called 'victims' can always see the hurt in the eyes of another 'victim', and as someone who also suffered sexual abuse as a child, i knew that this man, his sweet soul and his sad compelling eyes were shading the truth. I am sad that your life has been such a struggle…mine continues to be and will probably never end…we are 'victims' till the end but you have endured and grown and spat in the face of this evil monster…good luck theo…we are all cheering for your life to be blessed with peace and happiness…

  • Fred Finger

    A friend of mine was on the Moose Jaw hockey team with Theo and Sheldon. My friend was pulled from the powerplay, because Theo wanted to end up 3rd on the team in points (75) friend (71). Sleeping with the boss works lol.

  • Anne

    Good Luck Theo
    Have always admired your spunk & enjoyed watching you
    play. You are the greatest.
    Take care & remember you are now free of that horrible person
    who took so much away from you – don't let it destroy you anymore.

  • Barb

    Life has been a struggle in more ways than one and hopefully you will find peace within yourself. Your life has a whole new meaning now and a fresh start for yourself and your family. Best of Luck.

  • Katie

    Mr. Fleury, I lived in Swift Current when you and then Graham James were in the WHL – All I remember is what a star you were when you were with the Moose Jaw Warriors … I wonder how many people in the hockey world knew and could have stopped it – but I remember being in high school with the Broncos – they were so vulnerable, the coach had all power … Your story and Sheldon Kennedy’s makes it clear that as a people, Canadians have to be much more protective of the children we treat like men that play junior on the way to the big show … Despite all of your personal problems, you were a great player … I wish you all the best in your recovery … And I hope the WHL, the OHL, and the CHL takes note – we have to be more protective of teenagers growing up in the hockey world … May someone like Graham James never happen again … Good Luck ..

  • Rich

    Good luck Theo and Sheldon, I was a Flames season ticket holder when both of you played and I enjoyed every moment and marveled at the passion you had for the game of Hockey. Charge Graham James with Pedophilia and lets get this scum bag put away for good were he can not hurt any one else.

    Good luck and thanks for the stellar play while a member of the Flames.

  • Beverley

    Fantastic article,I commend Theo & Sheldon for having the courage to come forward.Unfortunately not many men come forward with the sexual abuse they suffered especially in the sports leagues,you could be instramental in helping children & adults come forward.I wish both you and Sheldon all the best in your future endeavours Theo.

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