TV Guidance

TV Guidance

Jaime Weinman writes about all kinds of television and other kinds of popular culture. He does not write Gossip Girl episode reviews. Follow Jaime on Twitter: @weinmanj

Favourite Under-Quoted Simpsons Quote?

by Jaime Weinman on Monday, November 23, 2009 9:37pm - 58 Comments

I haven’t written much about The Simpsons since my screed against “comedy writer jokes,” so here’s a more positive subject for discussion, sort of similar to the “Underrated Monty Python Sketches” thread. What’s your favourite Simpsons line that you haven’t heard quoted to death?

That is, some Simpsons quotes are so famous — “Worst episode ever,” or ” save me, Jeebus!” or “it’s a perfectly cromulent word” — that they have entered the language. Some equally great quotes, however, aren’t as famous. So what’s a quote you particularly love but that hasn’t yet been ruined by over-quoting?

My favourite under-quoted quote is from the season 2 episode “Homer Vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment” (still, after all these years, one of the best Simpsons episodes, a great combination of pop-culture jokes and family relationship stuff). The family is watching movies on cable, and with each movie, Bart gives the lead character the name of the movie. These get progressively less plausible:

BART: Oh, this is where Jaws bites through the boat.

BART: Oh, this is where Die Hard comes through the window.

BART: Oh, this is where Wall Street gets arrested.

To me, that’s just a perfect Simpsons joke on every level. It combines George Meyer-y, comedy-writer fascination with language (it might even be a Meyer joke) with real, observational humour about the way real people sometimes confuse characters with titles.  (Eg people used to think the round-headed kid in the comic strip was named “Peanuts.”) It’s a comedy-writer joke that also sounds like a human being might say it.

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  • http://intensedebate.com/people/jolyon jolyon

    Saw episode years ago, don't know what it was called, but when Simpsons go to Australia and Bart writes Dont Tread On Me on his butt while escaping. Anyways, there was a scene where Aussie says "I see you've played knifey-spoony before" and I say it to this day to confound people.

    Just though it was funny/absurd, don't know if it is considered a famous one though.

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/SamDavies SamDavies

      Coffee….
      Beer….
      C-O-F-F-E-E….
      B-E-E-R….

      • Mark

        Your stick thingy went and boomeranged on us!

  • JMegan

    The one where Sideshow Bob runs for mayor, and fixes the voters list. Lisa gets suspicious, and goes to

    <The Springfield Hall of Records (Not the Good Kind of Records, Historical Ones)>

    My job involves dealing with historical records, and this sign just makes me laugh harder every time I see it!

  • http://www.dandickinson.com LtDan

    "I have two questions: how much, and give it to me."

  • Barbara

    Trying is the first step toward failing. (Homer to Lisa)

    Your lust for dirty magazines kept me in business those first struggling years. By the way, here's your copy of Gigantic Asses. (Apu to Homer)

    I think he's talking to you. (Homer whispering to guy beside him during Witness Protection interview)

    I wash myself with a rag on a stick! (Fat Bart in his fantasy)

  • 251

    I don't know how famous it is, and it's not the funniest or most clever. It's just the one I think of most often:

    When will people learn? Democracy doesn't work.

  • http://zeppomarxist.blogspot.com Anthony Strand

    The one you cited is actually one of my favorites. I said "This is where Arrested Development burns the banana stand" to my girlfriend just the other day, in fact.

    The first two that sprang to my mind were: Grandpa's "List of Words I Never Want to Hear on TV Again" from season one ("Number one: Bra. Number two: Horny. Number three: Family Jewels"), and "You wanted a world without zinc, Jimmy, and now your car has no battery" from the educational film at the beginning of Bart the Lover in season three.

  • I.M. Homer

    Homer: Wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute. Lisa honey, are you
    saying you're *never* going to eat any animal again? What about
    bacon?
    Lisa: No.
    Homer: Ham?
    Lisa: No.
    Homer: Pork chops?
    Lisa: Dad! Those all come from the same animal!
    Homer: [Chuckles] Yeah, right Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.

  • I.M. Homer

    You don't win friends with salad!

  • Jorge Garrido

    But what about all the times I DIDN'T go to school with a dress? Huh? Nobody ever talks about that!

  • http://twitter.com/smithco @smithco

    Mob: We're here! We're queer! We don't want any more bears!
    Lenny: Catchy chant, Homer! How'd you come up with it?
    Homer: Oh, I heard it at that mustache parade they have every year.

  • MLM

    Since my top three have already been quoted,

    Homer: You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college! [leaves]
    Bart: I don't think any of us expected him to say that.

    • Mark

      I'll thank you not to refer to Princeton that way.

      Not the same episode I know, but still funny.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/SamDavies SamDavies

    I always loved one line from the early days, where Snake is on a crime spree in Springfield.
    He has stolen a electronic device, and upon looking at it closer exclaims
    "Oooo Noooo…….. Beta!"
    Loved that!

    "Dad – You killed the Zombie Flanders!!!!"
    "He was a Zombie?"

    "Hi I'm actor Troy McClure. You might remember me from such films as 'Today We Kill, Tomorrow We Die' and 'Gladys, the Groovy Mule'."

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/madeyoulook madeyoulook

    Can't say it's a favourite, but it's one that stuck with me for years (haven't seen any episode in, like, forever):

    Sign at the entrance to an old folks' home: "Thank you for not discussing the outside world."

  • http://twitter.com/Wittmeier @Wittmeier

    Bart and Lisa tell Marge to enjoy a night out with Ruth Powell. Homer to himself:

    "Man's best friend indeed!"

    Or that highly quotable gem:

    "Everything's coming up Milhouse!"

  • http://mnfu.wordpress.com Dan

    Lisa: "Dad, do you even know what rhetorical means?"
    Homer: "Do I know what rhetorical means?!" (said rhetorically)

    Ralph: "Super Nintendo Chalmers"

    Marge: "Homer this is the worst thing you have ever done!"
    Homer: "You say that so often that it's lost all meaning."

  • Mike T.

    Surprisingly underquoted considering how adaptable they are in everyday conversation:

    "That's a load bearing poster."

    "Ha! Ha! I get THAT reference!"

    "Pray for Bobo" (actually, that's kinda well known)

  • Mike T.

    oh, and

    "hmpf! Roughriders."

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/SeanStok SeanStok

    Burns (after being kicked at a Stonecutters meeting) :
    "Patience Monty. Climb the ladder…"

    Ahmish fellow: "That's a fine barn, Englishman, but 'tis no pool." Homer: "Doeth!!!!"

    Lionel Hutz: "This is the most blatant case of false advertising since my suit against the movie The Neverending Story."

    • Lord Kitchener's Own

      "That's a fine barn, Englishman, but 'tis no pool"

      Actually, fyi, that line is "That's a fine barn, English, but 'tis no pool."

      "English" is Amish slang for "outsider", or non-Amish person.

      • http://intensedebate.com/people/SeanStok SeanStok

        Thank you! My memory isn't what it once was. At least I seem to remember it was once better, but maybe I'm mistaken. What were we talking about, by the way?

  • Kevan

    Wiggum: This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving
    a…car of some sort, heading in the direction of…you know,
    that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless! Repeat,
    hatless!

  • Mike T.

    "And always whirling, whirling, whirling towards tommorow!"

    [Scottish accent] "I take it by context you mean [beekeeper]"

  • Mike T.

    "That's a load of thick rich creamery butter"

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/SamDavies SamDavies

    "That's right, gather the nectar my little drones, and make the honey….honey for your children. Fools! Ha ha ha ha!"

  • Nick

    Bart: Dad, remember those self-hypnosis courses we took to help us ignore Grampa?
    Homer: Do I ever! It's five years later and I still think I'm a chicken. I'm a chicken, Marge!
    Marge: I know, I know.

    • Eas Coas

      I always laughed loudly at that one while others in the room looked at me funny.

  • ajrowley

    Favourite under-quoted Simpsons quotes — two semi-quoted throw-aways you've likely heard and a big finish:

    1. WIGGUM: Okay Ralphie, time for bed.
    RALPH: Yay, sleep-time. That's where I'm a Viking.

    2. HOMER: Bart, why aren't you out making big business deals?
    BART: I'll doooo it this'afternoooon.

    3. MRS LOVEJOY: Please, don't talk about S. E. X. in front of the C. H. I. L. D. R. E. N. !
    KRUSTY THE CLOWN: Sex Cauldron? I thought they closed that place down!

  • Myelbow

    Moe: Finally, I can realize my lifelong dream of visiting Easter Island!
    Homer: Oh, right, with the statues.
    Moe: With the what now?

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