Just call them al-PETA

By macleans.ca - Tuesday, January 26, 2010 at 1:57 PM - 13 Comments

A Newfoundland and Labrador MP wants Fisheries Minister Gail Shea’s pie-wielding attacker to be considered a terrorist. “When someone actually coaches or conducts criminal behaviour to impose a political agenda on each and every other citizen of Canada, that does seem to me to meet the test of a terrorist organization,” Liberal MP Gerry Byrne told a radio station in St. John’s. “I am calling on the Government of Canada to actually investigate whether or not this organization, PETA, is acting as a terrorist organization under the test that exists under Canadian law.” The animal rights group PETA immediately claimed responsibility for the pieing of Shea at an event in Burlington, Ont. In a release to the media, it claimed the stunt was part of a campaign, “to stop the government’s ill-advised sanction of the slaughter of seals.”

Canadian Press

Britain pulls itself out of recession

By macleans.ca - Tuesday, January 26, 2010 at 1:47 PM - 0 Comments

Britain’s 18-month downturn is over, but just barely. The Office for National Statistics reported today that GDP rose by 0.1 per cent in the final quarter of 2009, making Britain the last of the major economies to return to growth. Yet this figure is still short of the 0.3 to 0.4 per cent expectations; chief economist Joe Grice said the estimate was based on 40 per cent of the data available. The true number could be revised to be 0.1 to 0.2 percentage points higher, or lower. The recession cost the country 100 billion pounds in lost output, and forced 1.3 million people into the unemployment line—pushing unemployment up to 7.9 per cent.

CBC News

Past due

By Aaron Wherry - Tuesday, January 26, 2010 at 1:40 PM - 13 Comments

While Richard Colvin awaits the necessary funds to pay his legal bills, the Liberals have publicly tabled some of the dozens of written questions they had put on the order paper and were awaiting government response when the second session of the 40th Parliament met its untimely demise. Included among them, several on the matter of Afghan detainees. To wit.

Who was responsible for redacting the documents and what role did the DFAIT, National Defence, the Privy Council Office or any ministry play? How many times has the government notified the Afghan Independent Human Rights Commission (AIHRC) of allegations of abuse, mistreatment, or torture of Canadian-transferred detainees?  Did the government follow-up on these or any other investigation with regards to allegations or evidence of abuse, mistreatment, or torture of Canadian-transferred detainees to ensure that each of the allegations had been investigated?  What were the results of these investigations?  What did the government do to assure itself that the allegations had been sufficiently investigated by the AIHRC or any other entity?  Were any records or files kept on these investigations?   Were any of these investigations deemed to be insufficient and, if so, what was done to remedy this? Did the government ever request legal opinions regarding Canada’s domestic and international legal responsibility for detainees captured by the Canadian military or military police in Afghanistan and transferred to Afghan authorities?  Did this legal advice contribute to the formulation of the Department of Foreign Affairs and International Trade Canada’s diplomatic contingency plan related to detainees?

Opposition MPs return to work

By macleans.ca - Tuesday, January 26, 2010 at 1:34 PM - 3 Comments

As opposition MPs returned to work yesterday, Liberals unveiled a proposal seeking to curb to the Prime Minster’s ability to prorogue future sessions of parliament, less than a week after a similar announcement from the NDP. The proposal would require the PM to give the House of Commons 10 days written notice of a move to prorogue parliament, and would require the PM to submit the question to the House for debate. NDP MPs held their own caucus meeting, and speaking in front of the closed doors of the House of Commons on Monday, NDP Leader Jack Layton called Harper’s move “a high-handed decision to padlock Parliament.”

CBC News

MetroNews.ca

Weight training boosts brain power

By macleans.ca - Tuesday, January 26, 2010 at 12:51 PM - 0 Comments

Women aged 65 to 75 who did an hour or two of strength training exercises each week had better cognitive function a year later, the New York Times reports. According to researchers at the University of British Columbia, the women who participated scored higher on tests of brain processes that are responsible for planning and executing tasks. In the study, 155 women did strength training with dumbbells and weight machines once or twice a week; a comparison group did balance and toning exercises. One year later, those who did strength training did better on tests of what’s called “executive function” by 10.9 per cent to 12.6 per cent, showing a better ability to make decisions, resolve conflicts, and focus on subjects without being distracted. Those who did balance and toning exercises had a deterioration of 0.5 per cent. The paper appears in the Jan. 25 issue of the Archives of Internal Medicine.

New York Times

Chinese call for ban on eating dogs and cats

By macleans.ca - Tuesday, January 26, 2010 at 12:22 PM - 3 Comments

Chinese legal experts’ proposal to end the eating of dogs and cats would bring to an end a tradition that dates back thousands of years. The recommendation will be submitted to authorities in April as part of a draft bill to tackle animal abuse. In ancient times, dog meat was considered a medicinal tonic. It’s still available throughout the country, particularly in the north. More recently, such traditions have come under criticism by an affluent, pet-loving, urban middle class outraged by online videos showing the maltreatment of farmed dogs.

The Guardian

Teenage pregnancy on the rise in the U.S.

By macleans.ca - Tuesday, January 26, 2010 at 12:16 PM - 4 Comments

Numbers released today reveal a 3 per cent increase in the U.S. teen pregnancy rate in 2006, the first rise in more than a decade and a clear reversal from the downward trend that began in the 1990s. About 7 per cent of teenage girls got pregnant in 2006 compared with 12 per cent in 1990, when rates peaked. Data calculated by the non-profit Guttmacher Institute also show higher rates of births and abortions among girls aged 15-19. The Institute has linked the pregnancy uptick to the Bush administration’s doubling of funds allocated to abstinence-only sex education programs. Valerie Huber of the National Abstinence Education Association cried foul on the charge, noting that only a quarter of federal funding for teen sexuality programs went to abstinence in 2008.

No mere question of taste

By Colby Cosh - Tuesday, January 26, 2010 at 12:05 PM - 113 Comments

I’m appalled that Gerry Byrne would consider invoking terror law to squash one of those practitioners of the sandbox-anarchist “political pieing” fad. But the man does have a point. Pieing is a form of “political activity” meant to achieve its aim, not through reason, but by means of coercion. It is meant to humiliate rather than convince, and to warn other politicians that they too may be humiliated. In other words, it’s a deliberate, if puerile, attempt to manipulate the political process by spreading fear.

And it’s not a wholly trivial fear, either. It has never occurred to the phony radical wankers who fling pies (or to those who dismiss them as cute pranksters) that a pie tin could conceivably contain poison or acid. But eventually some more earnest kook will figure it out, with the help of many dry runs by useful idiots. And when that day comes, the joke really will be over. This is a possibility that security officials and politicians already have to train for and rehearse mentally. I do hate it when people in public life put on airs about their personal sacrifices, but no one should dismiss the perceived danger of being in such a position until they’ve spent a week reading a politician’s mail, or a judge’s, or a celebrity’s. Vicarious sangfroid comes easily to the anonymous.

A pieing is not an argument; it is, indisputably, an assault with intent to intimidate. In this sense, it is obviously correct to describe pieing as a minor species of terrorism. From the standpoint of the relevant principle—i.e., the distinction between debate and violence—hitting a legislator with a pie is no different than beating one with a sack of doorknobs. Indeed, a lot of legislators would probably choose to be confronted with a species of assault that gave them a fair chance to fight back. A pieing doesn’t; it just makes a mess.

Which is why leftist Edible Ballot-type dorks like it. It’s a “statement” that allows for no answer—a pure display of the power to assert, along the lines of a tantrum from a toddler or a drunkard. I don’t have much time for Freud, but when you see a pie-er and recall what the doctor said about the anal-expulsive character, you can’t help thinking he may have been onto something.

The '80s Are Back, Baby!

By macleans.ca - Tuesday, January 26, 2010 at 11:57 AM - 1 Comment

The 1980s are taking over the cinemas of North America and the UK. Upcoming remakes of ’80s franchises include The A-Team, The Karate Kid,
Clash of the Titans, Nightmare on Elm Street and the ultimate Reagan/Thatcher-era movie, Red Dawn. It used to be that the ’80s was “the decade everyone was a bit ashamed of,” with its terrible hair and pop music dominated by synth and saxophone. But after the depressing experience of the ’00s and ’10s, people are starting to feel nostalgic for the greater certainty of the ’80s, not to mention songs like “Don’t Stop Believin’.” Besides, the executives who are running studios today grew up watching the “irony-free” movies of the ’80s, and now they’re trying to re-create their youth. Does this mean that there will be a remake of Mr. T’s Be Somebody Or Be Somebody’s Fool? One can only hope.

Times Online

Defining censorship

By macleans.ca - Tuesday, January 26, 2010 at 11:45 AM - 1 Comment

Last week, a Menifee Union School District in Southern California pulled the Merriam-Webster dictionary off every school shelf after a parent complained about a child stumbling across the definitions for “oral sex.” This was done without consulting the school board, and has divided the town into what appears to be a brewing battle over free speech. “If a public school were to remove every book because it contains one word deemed objectionable to some parent, then there would be no books at all in our public libraries,” said Peter Scheer, executive director of the California First Amendment Coalition. Others believe that the collegiate dictionaries—in use for grades four and five—have no place in the classroom. Oh, and for the record, the Merriam-Webster dictionary defines oral sex as “oral stimulation of the genitals,” and first appeared in the dictionary back in 1973.

Toronto Star

PE.com

Desperate NHL team offers child care to fans

By macleans.ca - Tuesday, January 26, 2010 at 11:29 AM - 5 Comments

The owners of the Florida Panthers have dreamed up a novel way to remedy the team’s ongoing attendance woes: they’re offering child care to their fans. That’s right. Sunrise Sports & Entertainment has partnered with a chain of local day cares to provide people who attend games, and other events at the Bank Atlantic Center, the opportunity to leave their children with day care professionals in a suite-level “Club House for Kids” in the facility. Season ticket holders get a discount, and the only condition appears to be that the kids have to be potty trained. “Parents can relax and enjoy themselves knowing that their children are playing and learning in a safe, secure environment,” said Richard Weissman, President of The Learning Experience Child Development Centers. You won’t find this in the release, but the Panthers drew the second-lowest attendance in the NHL last season, and have been looking at seas of empty seats on most nights this year.

NHL.com

Dessert as terrorism

By Aaron Wherry - Tuesday, January 26, 2010 at 11:06 AM - 45 Comments

Liberal Gerry Byrne makes the case.

“When someone actually coaches or conducts criminal behaviour to impose a political agenda on each and every other citizen of Canada, that does seem to me to meet the test of a terrorist organization,” the member from Newfoundland and Labrador said in an interview from Ottawa with radio station VOCM in St. John’s, N.L.

“I am calling on the Government of Canada to actually investigate whether or not this organization, PETA, is acting as a terrorist organization under the test that exists under Canadian law.”

Will Simon destroy ‘American Idol’?

By Jaime Weinman - Tuesday, January 26, 2010 at 10:54 AM - 13 Comments

Simon Cowell may destroy American Idol by leaving it, but does that suit his plans? The ninth season of the show, which began last Tuesday, is Cowell’s last season hosting the world’s No. 1 hit. While Fox tries to replace him, he will concentrate on developing a U.S. version of his U.K. hit The X Factor, to premiere on Fox in the fall of 2011. That show is a multi-week competition in which unknowns audition for a panel of judges, including Cowell, and the audience’s favourite performer gets to make a recording. In other words, it’s basically Idol under a different name. It might seem risky for the network to give Cowell almost the same show. But if it succeeds, it could make him more successful than ever.

Idol has been durable so far: despite the departure of Paula Abdul, the first new episode of the season showed almost no ratings drop-off from last year. But observers think that Cowell is a different story. Audiences have come to associate the entire franchise with his nasty remarks, and episodes inevitably seem to revolve around him (like a much-hyped moment in the season premiere in which people told him to “shut up”). TV writer Ken Levine compared Idol without Cowell to the PGA tour without Tiger Woods, while Craig Ferguson told his late-night audience that Cowell “is the show.” After Cowell announced his departure, Idol creator Simon Fuller left the show to “start a new entertainment company,” as if acknowledging that his old property isn’t as valuable now.

Continue…

Are taxes the only way out of the deficit?

By Andrew Coyne - Tuesday, January 26, 2010 at 10:51 AM - 48 Comments

The Great and the Good have come down from on high, and delivered their decree: there shall be tax hikes. The deficit that was once our friend is now our enemy, no longer “stimulative” but “structural.” The spending spree that gave us that deficit cannot be reversed, or not altogether. If the deficit is to be slain, it must therefore be by raising taxes. Thus sayeth the elders, including former Bank of Canada governor David Dodge, two former deputy ministers of finance, and Jeffrey Simpson.

Well, maybe. What is certainly true is that the fiscal forecast, once an unbroken line of surpluses as far as the eye could see, has darkened considerably. Not only is the deficit headed for $56 billion this fiscal year, but it will still exceed $11 billion even four years from now. And that’s on the government’s cheery numbers. The parliamentary budget officer forecasts the 2014 deficit at $19 billion—after four years of (assumed) steady economic growth. Just in time for the next recession to blow it sky-high again.

Continue…

A Caroline precedent

By Andrew Coyne - Tuesday, January 26, 2010 at 10:44 AM - 112 Comments

Opposition proposals to restrict the power to prorogue without Parliament’s consent have met with some skepticism. Critics deride the idea as unconstitutional and unprecedented. Unprecedented, that is, unless you count 369 years of precedent…

An Act to prevent inconveniences which may happen by the untimely adjourning proroguing or dissolving of this present Parliament, May 10, 1641. 17 Car. I. cap. 7. Statutes of the Realm, Vol. 103

Whereas great sums of money must of necessity be speedily advanced and provided for the relief of His Majesty’s army and people in the northern parts of this realm, and for preventing the imminent danger it is in, and for supply of other His Majesty’s present and urgent occasions, which cannot be so timely effected as is requisite without credit for raising the laid monies; which credit cannot be obtained until such obstacles be first removed as are occasioned by fears, jealousies and apprehensions of divers His Majesty’s loyal subjects, that this present Parliament may be adjourned, prorogued, or dissolved, before justice shall be duly executed upon delinquents, public grievances redressed, a firm peace between the two nations of England and Scotland concluded, and before sufficient provision be made for the re-payment of the said monies so to be raised; all which the Commons in this present Parliament assembled, having duly considered, do therefore most humbly beseech your Majesty that it may be declared and enacted.

And be it declared and enacted by the King, our Sovereign Lord, with the assent of the Lords and Commons in this present Parliament assembled, and by the authority of the same, that this present Parliament now assembled shall not be dissolved unless it be by Act of Parliament to be passed for that purpose; nor shall be, at any time or times, during the continuance thereof, prorogued or adjourned, unless it be by Act of Parliament to be likewise passed for that purpose; and that the House of Peers shall not at any time or times during this present Parliament be adjourned, unless it be by themselves or by their own order; and in like manner, that the House of Commons shall not, at any time or times, during this present Parliament, be adjourned, unless it be by themselves or by their own order; and that all and every thing or things whatsoever done, or to be done for the adjournment, proroguing, or dissolving of this present Parliament, contrary to this Act, shall be utterly void and of none effect.

Face-covering veils may be banned in France

By macleans.ca - Tuesday, January 26, 2010 at 10:42 AM - 4 Comments

A parliamentary panel has issued a nearly 200-page report containing several measures intended to dissuade women from wearing veils in France. It also recommends refusing residency and citizenship to anyone with visible signs of a “radical religious practice.” But there is no call to outlaw such garments—worn by a small minority of Muslims—in private areas and in the street. A full ban was the major issue that divided the 32-member, multiparty panel which ultimately heeded warnings that a full ban risked being deemed unconstitutional. Conservative lawmaker Eric Raoult, the panel’s No. 2 member, said later that he foresaw a limited ban in the public sector “before the end of the year.” As envisaged by the panel, a ban would require that people show their faces when entering a public facility and, “keep the face uncovered throughout their presence.” Failure to do so would result “in a refusal to deliver the service demanded.” That means, for instance, that a woman seeking state funds commonly accorded to mothers would walk away empty-handed. The veil is widely viewed in France as a gateway to extremism, an insult to gender equality and an offence to France’s secular foundation. A 2004 French law bans Muslim headscarves from primary and secondary school classrooms.

Canadian Press

Afghanistan commitment must hold: NATO

By macleans.ca - Tuesday, January 26, 2010 at 9:56 AM - 0 Comments

It will take half a decade for Afghanistan to take responsibility for its own security, according to a leaked draft communiqué from an upcoming major international conference being held in London. The closing statement draft suggests that NATO members have a “long-term commitment” to Afghanistan and the military operation there. Yet both Canada and the U.S. have pledged to begin drawing out forces next year. Far from laying out an exit timeline, the draft says, “over the next few years, the nature of international support should evolve … from direct action to support.”

Spiegel Online

The Northwest (Data) Passage

By macleans.ca - Tuesday, January 26, 2010 at 9:40 AM - 1 Comment

Sir John Franklin and all those other doomed explorers were thinking of a short route to the riches of Asia when they sought the Northwest Passage. Now that global warming is opening it up (summer 2008′s sea ice was the lowest on record) Alaska’s Kodiak Kenai Cable Company is planning to cut data travel times between London and Tokyo by more than 50 per cent, by laying fibre-optic cable through the famed passage. It’s a 15,000-kilometre, $1.2 billion (U.S.) proposal that could begin in 2011.

Nunatsiaq Online

Confessions of a book pirate

By macleans.ca - Tuesday, January 26, 2010 at 9:35 AM - 2 Comments

C. Max Magee, creator and editor of The Millions website, tracked down an illegal downloader—a tech-savy, mid-30s Midwesterner—and asked him why. The man told him he was an avid reader who owned about 1,600 books and just didn’t think there was much harm, at least to real authors as opposed to a “faceless corporation,” in what he did: “I do not pretend that uploading or downloading unpurchased electronic books is morally correct, but I do think it is more of a grey area than some of your readers may.” That’s because, he argues, an electronic copy of something costs virtually nothing to create, there is no value to what’s being stolen. As for what might make him stop, only a price reduction steep enough to make the effort of stealing not worthwhile. “One thing that will definitely not change anyone’s mind or inspire them to stop are polemics from people like Mark Helprin and Harlan Ellison”—authors vocal in their condemnation of book pirates—”attitudes like that ensure that all of their works are available online all of the time.”

The Millions

It's all Andrew's fault

By Aaron Wherry - Tuesday, January 26, 2010 at 8:46 AM - 104 Comments

Christopher White, founder of that Facebook group, talks to the Tyee.

Q. How did this all begin?

“It was the day I got back to Edmonton from the Christmas holiday. I slept in a bit. I was still in my pajamas, reading the news online, when I learned that Stephen Harper had asked for another prorogation.

“My first reaction was outrage. Here it was, happening again. It was so irresponsible, so undemocratic. And the worst part was, I could already feel the apathy starting to creep in.

“I looked at a couple other articles, and found a blog post Andrew Coyne had written on Maclean’s. He brought up this idea of the Long Parliament of 1640 in England, when the Parliamentarians defied the King and kept the Parliament going when he was out of the country.

“And I started wondering, ‘What if our Parliamentarians sat anyway?’ It just seemed like a really great idea.”

Caption Challenge Vol. 2, No. 4: Vote Now

By Scott Feschuk - Tuesday, January 26, 2010 at 5:41 AM - 11 Comments

ALSO: No Mailbag this Wednesday, as I’m giving a speech this week and really need to get cracking on it. (If only I knew a speechwriter who could help…) However, you could pretend to ask about new airport security restrictions and accept this as my answer. Or you could ask, “Could you please direct me a news story about a strange person who, to my surprise, does not turn out to be Andy Dick?” And I’d say, sure, here you go.

•

UPDATE @ 2 p.m.(ish) ET: WDM captures the support of more than 30% of voters, despite making them mentally picture Peter Van Loan having sex. Unexpected. But congratulations, WDM, and well done! Email me at scott.feschuk@macleans.rogers.com and I’ll send off your prize via the magical tubes of the Interwebs.

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Let me begin with an important note to those whose entries were not selected for this week’s Caption Challenge: Yes, I know your caption was funnier. And yes, it is a conspiracy against you. EVERYTHING IS A CONSPIRACY AGAINST YOU!

In other news, it’s time to vote. Five finalists await your review and judgment below. The winner, based on your votes as of 2 p.m. ET, will receive an Amazon.ca gift certificate courtesy of Feschuk.Reid, which next month will celebrate its fourth anniversary – an achievement that would not have been possible without the support of the fine people of Canada, who voted us out of our old jobs in the first place. Feschuk.Reid: The Ultimate Driving Machine.

The finalists:

- “Peter Van Loan introduces the newest Tory Senator, Jimmy, who has promised to resign on his 9th birthday, and to do whatever the nice man in the sweater asks of him.” – Lord Kitchener’s Own

- “To my high school year book editors, who said I was most likely to Continue…

Dessert as protest (II)

By Aaron Wherry - Monday, January 25, 2010 at 11:44 PM - 15 Comments

Video of today’s tofu pie attack.

And, for the sake of perspective, a news clip from 2000 covering the pie attack on Jean Chretien, including a compilation of previous pieings against the likes of Stephane Dion and Pierre Pettigrew among others. Continue…

And, oh yeah, it's about ants

By Colby Cosh - Monday, January 25, 2010 at 9:45 PM - 2 Comments

Every so often the New Yorker gives readers their first glimpse of a classic of American fiction. Indeed, all the other apparent functions of that organ are peripheral. What must it have been like to open up the magazine and get hit between the eyes with “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty” or “The Lottery” or In Cold Blood or Maus? Today, my friends, you get to find out. “Trailhead” is a free-standing excerpt from the forthcoming first novel by the naturalist E.O. Wilson.

The Commons: Lights on, nobody home

By Aaron Wherry - Monday, January 25, 2010 at 7:46 PM - 43 Comments

For the record, the doors were, in fact, locked. The House of Commons, all lit up, was empty and quiet. At worst, a betrayal of our democracy, a grievous symbol of Parliament’s decline. At best, a minor waste of electricity.

In the morning, the Liberal and NDP caucuses had taken turns standing in front of the Commons in order to demonstrate their similar frustrations. Michael Ignatieff took the opportunity to propose a number of reforms that might ensure we never have to witness these sorts of photo ops again. The press gallery took that opportunity to express its confusion and impatience with infinitely debatable complications of constitutional law.

By the afternoon, things had quieted down some. Continue…