Newsmakers

What would Dilbert say?
The massive Gulf Coast oil leak has turned petroleum giant BP into a global punching bag—all the more reason to invest while its stock, like its oil, is under water, says Scott Adams, creator of the Dilbert comic strip. Adams advises investing in companies you detest. “I hate BP but I admire them, too, in the way I respect the work ethic of serial killers,” he wrote in an essay. “If there’s oil on the moon, BP will be the first to send a hose into space and suck on the moon until it’s the size of a grapefruit. As an investor, that’s the side I want to be on: with BP, not the loser moon.”

God rethinks political endorsement
Four Christian lawyers lost their bid to become “God’s ambassadors” on the bench. Craig Candelore, Larry “Jake” Kincaid, Bill Trask and Harold J. Coleman Jr. were soundly beaten by incumbent judges last week when they ran in elections for places on the San Diego Superior Court. The four had the backing of pastors, gun enthusiasts, and opponents of abortion and same-sex marriages, but voters apparently sided with critics who said the religious agenda threatened judicial impartiality.

Bull? Crap!
Staring down a seriously annoyed half-tonne bull Sunday caused a 22-year-old matador to rethink his career options. Christian Hernandez dropped his red cape and ran from the ring at the Plaza Mexico in Mexico City. Organizers coaxed him back, but when he fled again they had him arrested for breach of contract. He was released after paying a fine. Hernandez, who was gored in the leg several months ago, will retire. “I didn’t have the ability. I didn’t have the balls,” he said. “This is not my thing.”

A life-changing Facebook message
A posting from an apparent illegal alien in San Francisco on the website postsecret.com—a place where people bare their souls—galvanized Nanaimo, B.C., resident Kimberly Furnell to launch a Facebook anti-suicide movement joined by tens of thousands around the globe. Furnell said she was devastated when the anonymous poster wrote: “I don’t belong anywhere. This summer I plan to jump off the Golden Gate [bridge].” She created the Facebook group “Please don’t jump,” “in hope the person would see it and reconsider.” Messages of support flooded in. And a group of young people rallied on the storied bridge, chalking anti-suicide messages on the sidewalk. “You are a miracle,” one said. “One day you’ll look back on this thought and be glad you didn’t,” read another.

Just a bit more to the right
Far-right Dutch politician Geert Wilders has compared the Quran to Adolf Hitler’s Mein Kampf and called Islam the “Netherlands’ biggest problem.” Now, after last week’s third-place election finish, Wilders’ Freedom Party may have a place in his country’s next coalition government. “More safety, less crime, less immigration and less Islam is what the Netherlands has chosen,” said Wilders, whose party won triple the seats of its previous count. The Liberals, led by Mark Rutte, may have little choice but to share power. They came first, with just 31 seats after promising a severe austerity program. Negotiations may take months. Wilders goes on trial in October for inciting hatred against Muslims.

Last gorgeous woman standing
In Toronto on Monday, the Miss Universe Canada crown went to York University student Elena Semikina, who, at six foot one, towered over the competition. But if anyone doubted beauty pageants are a blood sport, consider the collateral damage. Contestant Tiffany Munro of Edmonton stumbled while giving a well-meaning talk on body image to Oshawa high school students. Pageant organizers didn’t want contestants looking anorexic, she said, “like some little African child with ribs going on.” The comparison stunned contestant Solange Tuyishime who, as a young girl, escaped the war and genocide in Rwanda. Later, Tuyishime graciously told the Toronto Star that pageants offer people a chance “to learn from each other.”