Categories: Blog Central, Feschuk on the famous

How about a Mailbag?

All questions answered, except for the ones I ignore.
Insert queries below. Mailbag to…

by Scott Feschuk on Monday, September 13, 2010 7:13am - 0 Comments

All questions answered, except for the ones I ignore.

Insert queries below. Mailbag to possibly come Wednesday maybe.

More by Scott Feschuk

The Romney bus needs a rooftop rider

Some sure-fire ways Mitt Romney can turn weakness into strength
When did my eyebrows go rogue? It’s official: I’m getting older

But I’m still waiting for the wisdom and insight to kick in
Hands off! Breasts are my areas of expertise

The media’s fixation with sex and titillation is deplorable and, frankly, threatening

bergkamp

"TOURISM chiefs in Serbia are hoping their annual testicle cooking competition will do for the region what whisky did for Scotland ……. "The importance of a recognisable brand to sell a region cannot be underestimated,'' festival organiser Ivo Mokovich said. "Look at how many people go to Scotland because of the whisky or how many people know Switzerland because of their cheese and chocolate." Australian, Aug 17, 2010

Feshuck: You are living in Paris, France and decide to take a weekend break to get away from it all. Do you choose:

a)Scotland – where you will have a weekend full of golf and whiskey, or

b)Serbia – where you will have a weekend full of dodging snipers and eat testicle pizza.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/aug/2…
AReallyDevoutPerson

Dear Scott,

Mr Harper's God. Discuss.

Just kidding!! I think we've flogged that one to death. Although maybe I shouldn't have said that out loud.

http://onelinecritic.wordpress.com/ DirtyOldTown

At least we didn't crucify it.

madeyoulook

Dear Scott,

How are the NFL predictions coming along so far this season?
Peter Parker

Scott

Is it ok to pee when taking a shower? Also, why are women always right?

Claudia Lemire

We just are, period : )

madeyoulook

Especially then!

Claudia Lemire

Hahaha, no then we just get Helenized…

Mike T.

Dear Mr. Feschuk,

This is not a mailbag query, but since I am an infallible being this does not matter. I deliver unto you a message: doubt not the words of my acolyte Stephen Harper, nor report upon his words with satire in your heart. WAITEST THOU UNTIL HE HAS HIS MAJORITY!!!!

Yours sincerely,

God.

P.S. I your God am a vain and conbot God.

Mike T.

Wait! I should have said omnipotent! Not infallible!

You could never understand the pressure I'm under here, mortals.

-G.
CAPS

I always knew God spoke like the King James version of the bible.

Mike T.

But his voice Metatron has this annyong inspector Clouseau accent. It's kinda funny, esp. when he does Abraham and Issac.

LynnTO

Dear Mr. Feschuk,

I heard a rumour that the Conservatives and Liberals are starting up their own football teams because they feel that they don't just want to watch the games, they want to play too.

Further, I've heard that Baird will play the role of offensive tackle, and McKay the star runningback for the Conservatives, while Justin Trudeau will star as the Liberals' QB and Bob Rae will be barking out plays that he hears from someone talking through his headphone mic.

Can you confirm or deny these rumours? And, (even if not) true, who should be in the lineup? I mean, seriously, I think Carolyn Bennett deserves a chance to toss the pigskin around a little.

Thanks,

Lynn
MostlyCivil

Scott:

After many hours of rifling through the comment boards here, and witnessing the calibre of input, I'm lock, stock and barrel in favour of the Pun registry. Won't someone think of the children?

Sigh

But long puns are an essential part of the lifestyle of the rural wag.

Stewart_Smith

Earlier this year, you publicly gave up on golf. Elin Nordegren is filing for divorce. Connection?
Sigh

Scott:

What ever happened to the picture caption contest, and do you care?

NeedingSomeFun

A couple of weeks ago during the Northern Swing, there was a picture of a bunch of guys in a boat, including Stephen Harper looking intently into the water (As I recall: I am getting older and it was a few weeks ago, so the picture may actually have been completely different). I really, really wanted there to be a picture caption contest on that. What was Stephen looking at? To see if "Bob" re-surfaced? To see if the cinder block tied to the census issue was really heavy enough?

So I agree the CC was overdone at the end, but a judicious and infrequent reappearance would be great.

Bonkers

Dear Scott

My September 13 issue of Macleans has a picture of a jelly donut on the cover. Across the bottom right corner is a bright blue banner that says "Wells, Coyne, Feschuk". Did you guys request that or are your layout artists taking the piss?
Patchouli

Where's Garth Turner?
MaggiesFarmboy

Dear Scott,

At editorial meetings, how often does Wells pitch an "All Jazz" edition of Maclean's, and how difficult is it for the rest of you to stifle your laughter when he does?

Not that I have anything against jazz music of course, but, well you know…

Phil

One point? What the he77 are you doing at one point?

I know, I know, nobody cares……..but what happened?

MaggiesFarmboy

Criticized Steyn.

So, it's sort of a badge of honour.

Still, I was aiming for bergkamp's numbers, so I still have a long way to go…

aliisabroad

Where in the world is Helena Geurgis?

Tceh

What Rahim Jaffer is doing these days. I'm a little misty eyed, give me a moment.
http://listen.grooveshark.com/#/s/+You+re+Having+…

AJR79

Will the Bills ever win a superbowl?
Diogenes54

Has Tim Hortons become too big to succeed? Will Harper continue to make major announcements from the Tim Horton Innovation Center for Excellence in Donut Hole Research? I'm dyslexic – what kind of dog is Stehpen Hrapers dog?
danby

Dear Scott

In our house, whenever there is family dissension, we open a bottle of rye, put out the appropriate number of glasses and work through the issues. We argue, we fight, we snipe and we heckle. But eventually our voices join in mirthful song, and harmony fills the household once more.

Now Canadians all agree that the House of Commons in just one big, ugly, dysfunctional family. Why doesn't Mr Milliken just open a case of CC, and make the MP's stick with it until their voices find a glorious and harmonious
"O Canada?"

http://onelinecritic.wordpress.com/ DirtyOldTown

Ah, you have me looking forward to Christmas dinner with the folks already….

MaggiesFarmboy

Dear Scott,

My wife left me in charge of planning our next date night.

So it's down to these two choices:

Catch a screening of "The Human Centipede" on Friday, or watch "The Queen in 3D" on CBC.

Any advice?
Tceh

Feschuk,

Buy it now or wait for the 'made for TV' movie?

Harperland: The Politics of Control By Lawrence Martin
http://www.amazon.ca/gp/product/067006517X?ie=UTF…

Sincerely,
Tceh

Sigh

Supplemental question: who would you cast for the lead?

guy_caballero

I remember that you called the soccer world cup correctly. I am curious, why haven't you been gloating about it? Also, could you please make up another list of reasons why soccer sucks? I loved the first one.
gottabesaid

You're a football expert (according to you)… does a quarterback say 'hutt hutt', or 'hup hup', or 'hike hike'?
dave

Should we be reading anything into the fact that the crazy parents who think WiFi is making their kids sick live in Helena Geurgis' riding?
Gary

How the hell would he know? He's about as funny as a broken leg!
http://onelinecritic.wordpress.com/ DirtyOldTown

Dear Scott,

Why aren't there more posts about cats in your column?

Sincerely,

DirtyOldTown.

danby

posts…. columns…..
I truss you understand that Scott is not a pillar of the feline support community ;)

http://onelinecritic.wordpress.com/ DirtyOldTown

Cats are the cornerstone all other forms of humour rest upon. Architectural fact. (Look it up under Humour— Cats—LOL).

Patchouli

On Saturday, my partner and I will celebrate our 19th anniversary. Since we're not married, people keep asking us what it's the anniversary of.

Should we tell them? How graphic should we be?
JimJam14

After one quarter of watching my Riders officially kill all hope I had for them this year, I decided to dedicate my Sundays to the NFL instead. My problem is that I have no emotional attachment to any team. If you weren’t cursed with being labelled a Bills fan, who would you cheer for if you had to start from scratch today.

Please pick responsibly, as I plan on wholeheartedly becoming a lifelong fan, and I can only handle having 50% of my football allegiances being a waste of time.