Beyond The Commons

Beyond The Commons

Aaron Wherry covers all the goings-on in and around Parliament Hill. Follow Aaron on Twitter: @aaronwherry

The Commons: Derek from Toronto and other expressions of democracy

by Aaron Wherry on Tuesday, October 19, 2010 6:33pm - 0 Comments

The Scene. Michael Ignatieff, attempting to combine his day job as a politician and his after-hours work as host of a late night phone-in radio show, surrendered the floor this afternoon to Derek from Toronto.

“My question relates to the fiscal waste and mismanagement that this government is doing,” Mr. Ignatieff said Derek said.

“They emptied the cupboard. Their spending is a hodge-podge with no real vision or direction. Why is the Prime Minister throwing away my generation’s money in such a reckless, incompetent and visionless way?” Derek begged by way of the Liberal leader. “Why?”

The Liberals stood here to applaud Derek, or Mr. Ignatieff, or Mr. Ignatieff’s relating of Derek’s concern, or perhaps all of the above. And obviously quite moved by this expression of concern from a real person, the Prime Minister came up quick to respond.

“Mr. Speaker,” he said, “actually nothing could be further from the truth.”

You see, what Derek apparently misunderstood was the necessary pragmatism and comparative greatness of the deficit spending the Prime Minister had promised never to pursue.

“The fact of the matter is this,” the Prime Minister explained. “Obviously, as we all know, we had to run a deficit over these past couple of years.”

Indeed, only a fool would have ever believed the contrary could be guaranteed.

“That said,” Mr. Harper continued, “the deficit of this country is by far the lowest among the major advanced economies.”

And so cheer up, Derek: however disenchanted you may feel with the state of things here, imagine how dreadful it would be to live anywhere else. Always look on the bright side, young chap.

Unsatisfied on Derek’s behalf, Mr. Ignatieff sought to clarify his, which is to say Mr. Ignatieff’s, or possibly Derek’s, concerns. “Derek’s question was not just about the waste and mismanagement of the government,” the Liberal leader ventured, “it was about the government’s wasteful priorities: billions on superprisons; billions on a stealth aircraft without a competitive bid; a billion on a wasted [G20-G8] photo op.

“What Derek cannot understand is not only the waste and the mismanagement, but how does the government justify those wasteful priorities?”

It was by now apparent that the Prime Minister had not arrived prepared this day with his own real person to which to refer. So, ever the strategic genius, Mr. Harper instead dreamed up a character for the moment—a loathsome scoundrel he named “the Leader of the Opposition.”

“The real issue here raised by the Leader of the Opposition is his priorities,” the Prime Minister declared, carrying on quite demonstratively as if to warn the villagers of this monster’s imminent arrival. “He says that he would ground the Canadian Air Force. He says that he would put criminals out on the street. Why? In order to justify a bunch of tax increases he wants to bring on employers. That is the kind of thing that would put the Canadian economy into a deep ditch.”

Across the way, Mr. Ignatieff smirked, as if not taking seriously Mr. Harper’s obvious concern. ”Mr. Speaker, when he cannot refute Liberal policy, he invents Liberal policy,” Mr. Ignatieff responded on behalf of himself, the mythological beast, or perhaps both.

“Let us talk about the government’s record,” the Liberal leader offered.

The Conservatives applauded, a bit too soon perhaps.

“We had five prime ministers of different parties. They all had principles and they all secured a seat on the Security Council,” Mr. Ignatieff recalled, Derek from Toronto having been given his minute and a half of time in the House. “Why does the government have the arrogance to believe it is the only government with principle, when it is the only government that failed to secure a seat on the Security Council?”

The Prime Minister stood and pronounced himself “delighted” to talk about his government’s record. He then though revealed his misgivings about the invention of the secret ballot.

“As we know, in terms of the specific question, there is a secret vote at the United Nations,” he explained for the benefit of the House. “These things are inherently difficult to predict, regardless of the fact that we had secured written approval from the vast majority of the countries, but the fact of the matter is this: Precisely because these things are not predictable, we do not base Canadian foreign policy on them. We act according to Canada’s values.”

Ill-fated promises, unpredictable results, secret votes—democracy is for sure a mysterious and troublesome thing. Most leaders, at least after having gained power, would be well-advised to stay clear of it.

The Stats. Government spending, seven questions. Ethics, six questions. Health care, five questions. Law enforcement, four questions. Trade, three questions. The United Nations, infrastructure, the public service, pensions and employment, two questions each. Science, the environment, affordable housing, workplace safety, prisoners and medical marijuana, one question each.

Stephen Harper, seven answers. Leona Aglukkaq, six answers. Jim Flaherty, five answers. Vic Toews, four answers. John Baird, Peter Van Loan, Diane Finley and Stockwell Day, three answers each. Chuck Strahl and Mike Lake, two answers each. Rona Ambrose, Mark Warawa and Lisa Raitt, one answer each.

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  • Emily

    Harper then 'revealed his misgivings about the invention of the secret ballot.'

    Hmmmm

    • Greg Arious

      Emily, you are getting to be our very own version of Joy Behar.

      • Emily

        Hey, yer one of the Picts, I'm one of the Enlightenment crowd.

  • Orson Bean

    I can't believe that Iggy did all that talking about Derek without ever even mentioning the Dominos.

    • danby

      One can only hope they are finally falling into place

    • Dan

      Great one…bravo.

    • tobyornotoby

      ya got me on my knees

  • danby

    All this talk about de rek; it sounds like Jean Chretien lamenting the current state of Canada's finances

    • MostlyCivil

      Huzzah, sir, well played.

  • Mike T.

    The Prime Minister then suggested that if Derek wishes his opinion to matter, he move to the 905 where the CPC might win a seat.

  • kcm

    Why doesn't Derek support our troops?

    • Dick Richards

      Taliban Derek!

    • Different Guest

      What about the West?

    • http://onelinecritic.wordpress.com/ DirtyOldTown

      Derek from the Toronto elite, more like.

      • kcm

        Effete even.

        • MostlyCivil

          Derek: Just visiting (the house of commons)

      • http://onelinecritic.wordpress.com/ DirtyOldTown

        I see my attempts to mock John Baird have failed miserably. That Baird, he's just like teflon: nothing sticks!

  • pivnick

    Why dosen't the opposition ask questions that can actually be answered? And why doesn't the elected party – I don't know – answer these questions.

    Can anyone inform me as to when this system became a question of the chicken and the egg, and not about actually QUESTIONING SPECIFIC POLICY DECISIONS.

    Thanks.

    • Richard_S_Argent

      While this wasn't from Question Period, here's a pretty good example of what happens when you ask a Conservative minister a specific question.
      http://www2.macleans.ca/2010/10/15/the-16-billion…

    • hollinm

      Once again you are right….however Ignatieff does not understand economics so he has to ask a convoluted question because he is afraid of the answer. Does Ignatieff really believe this kind of foolishness will work? Obviously he does.

      • Emily

        But you of course do?

        'Rolls eyes'

    • kcm

      Some say it was about the time the cameras went in – i'm not sure mself.

      • pivnick

        I've heard that line of reasoning before – that they are preforming for the cameras trying to get that sound bite. Shame…try to televise a very noble profession, and we reduce it to catcalls and behaviour you might find in a kindergarden class.

        • inmyopinion

          It already is a kindergarten class.

    • http://onelinecritic.wordpress.com/ DirtyOldTown

      This is a valid question, and I'm going to respond by reminding you of the opposition's track record when it was in government, and the ways the opposition will bankrupt taxpayers and destroy the very fabric of our society if anyone's ever dumb enough to ever vote for them again. I'll close by reminding you that we're doing more than ever before on that issue you care about, and will continue to work on ways to help you with all your other problems. Remember, our government loves you, and wants only the best for you. Remember: government = good; opposition = dribbling imbeciles. Next question please.

      • pivnick

        I'm sorry I must not have been clear – I was hoping to have concrete answers that actually attempt to delve into this problem – not partisan attacks on one party or another. I want to know when the hostility in the question period started and why. I am not interested in who plays a dirtier ball game.

        • http://onelinecritic.wordpress.com/ DirtyOldTown

          I think your satire sensor needs new batteries.

  • Richard_S_Argent

    I, for one, dread the day when a Liberal gains power – I can't even imagine what sort of post apocalyptic hell they'll unleash upon us when they throw open the doors on all the prisons of the land and hand out thousand dollar bills to all the frothing murderers and let them roam the streets at will.

    *shudder*

    • hollinm

      Richard_S_Argent….we Conservatives have the same concerns (sarcasm intended)

      • Emily

        Yes, we could end up with no deficit, and a multi-billion dollar surplus like the last time Libs were in power, and we wouldn't want THAT. [sarcasm intended]

    • cooper

      your ignorance is without limits. guns and fighter jets rather than education and medicare, how stupid, how draconian, all to be expected by the incompetant spendthrift cons.

      • Richard_S_Argent

        I guess I'll have to recalibrate my Sarcasmotron 2000 again :)

    • SocialLiberal

      It's a damn good thing there will be no recession! *takes a drink of water*

  • Rufusrastasjonsonbrn

    Canada UN Security Council Membership
    1948 – 1949, 1958 – 1959, 1967 – 1968, 1977 – 1978, 1989 – 1990, 1999 – 2000 .Chretian government 1993-2003,Martin government 2003-2006. 13 Years of Liberal government and 1 Year on the security council.Rwanda 1994,one million dead and the UN did nothing,so exactly why is is our failure to obtain a seat with this corrupt useless organization a failure.

    • Emily

      We've been elected to the security council every time for over 60 years.

      Much has happened in that time that is fantastic news for the world.

      For some reason…now that they've lost it….Cons only remember Rwanda.

      • chet

        Millions literally butchered by machetes, women raped by the thousand, children gathered up and slaughered – the worst genocide in our lifetimes by a long shot,

        and the likes of Emily scoff at this being some significant point of memory.

        "For some reason" Rwanda is remembered?

        Shameful.

        • Richard_S_Argent

          You missed the word "only" there.

        • Emily

          The purpose of the UN is to prevent another world war….and for 60 years they've been doing just that….even through the darkest hours of the Cold War.

          Yes, Rwanda was bad, and it's by no means the worst genocide in our lifetimes….but overall the UN has done a terrific job.

          And since you don't care about Rwandans anyway….

          • Larry the Kabul Guy

            Emily the arts student
            If there have been other worse genocides than Rwanda in our time then maybe the UN is as useless as people are saying. As to your crowing about the UN keeping peace for the last 60 years I can’t think of a time in my 50 years on earth when there wasn’t a conflict going on somewhere in the world. If you think it was the UN that kept Russia and the US apart give your crew-cut little head a shake. MAD: mutually assured destruction was what kept the big dogs from scrapping.

          • MostlyCivil

            Everything else aside, I love how you manage to use the words "arts student" as a swearword. It says so much.

          • D.D.S

            it was the "crew-cut little head" comment that spoke volumes to me…

        • cooper

          We are considered part of the loser group, get used to it. We have no-one to thank but divisive Stevie.

    • sen

      We are in a UN led war, we give uber amounts of money to the UN.I think we rank 7th in the giving dept, so if they dont like us, I say we step aside. It doesnt bother me , not the least

      • Emily

        It will when you have no say in all the important decisions of today

      • pivnick

        Not to mention the UN is given a pitifully small amount of money to work with. Lets not start talking about the "uber amounts" without contextualizing it in the larger scheme of things. Stepping aside is the same as being apathetic, or worse, passive aggressive.

        • Emily

          Yes, the UN has no money, no military, and isn't an autonomous body so it can't make decisions on it's own.

          But we want miracles…each and every time.

          • pivnick

            They can happen, and the UN has a very small amount of ability to act autonomously, but it generally falls on countries to motivate them. This is why it is a shame Canada didn't win a seat on the Security Council. For no other reason then it brings us further into the conversation.

    • pivnick

      Very specific case study with which to judge a very large organization. To blame the UN is to blame the states that make it up. Be sure you know who you are pointing your finger at.

    • cooper

      Face it we are a failure on the international scene. Harper and his cons are incapable and unwilling to search for consensus. they continue to embarrass us.

    • Trudeau lover

      Because the Liberal/Separatist party says so, and the media.

  • MikeB

    I don't like this new style of rhetoric from Iggy. Just replace "Derek" with "Joe the Plumber"…

    • Dot

      …or Rob the mayoralty candidate.

    • Wes

      Oh come on, we know that Obama is enamoured with Obama! the whole of the left is aren't they. Joe the plumber and Derek the?

    • Brutus110

      Thats the best you can come up with… Obviously you are a graduate of the school of shamwow Tony

  • Dick Richards

    Has anyone stopped to ask the obvious question: If bribing are way onto the security council was our objective, why the hell did we try to do it with Molson Canadian beer?

    • kcm

      Or at least maple syrup beer…[shudder]…i hear there is such an animal.

      • SocialLiberal

        That's gross >.<

  • Greg Arious

    Mr. Speaker, I have taken off my tie, spoken to the rubes, I mean citizens, went on a really really long bus trip, and found out that I am good enough, smart enough and doggone people like me so I ask the Prime Minister, why does he not listen to liberals who promise to mever never steal taxpayer money again.

  • Wes

    I wonder if this Derek, is going to vote for Ford? I do hope so.He should also ask Miller where all his money went, poor Derek

  • Brutus110

    “We had five prime ministers of different parties. They all had principles and they all secured a seat on the Security Council,” – the factory trained economist answers “These things are inherently difficult to predict, regardless of the fact that we had secured written approval from the vast majority of the countries Ignastieff retorts that 5 PRIME MINISTERS OF DIFFERENT PARTIES… dealt with the secret ballot and won… what happened to Harper? Cricklets crickets…

    • Emily

      It's a big year for Con crickets….they're like locusts.

  • madeyoulook

    So it's Derek, today? Mr. Ignatieff, you might wish to stop highlighting the growing number of ordinary Canadians who have the excellent questions ordinarily expected from the Leader of the Opposition himself.

    • Emily

      He's asking them….why isn't Harper answering them?

  • DerekPearce

    FYI, I have not ever communicated with Mr. Iggy or his office! Freaky, literally just today another Derek came in for a meeting at my workplace, and we were discussing how as kids it seemed an uncommon name, but by virtue of the fact that you meet more people as life goes on, it seems a more common name now than in grade school.

  • tobyornotoby

    Dear Derek

    If you are considering involvement in the Canadian political process — first let me say GOOD for you! — you may want to study up on the futility of being used as a pawn for one party or the other. You see, the problem is that everyone knows you when you are down and out (except if they have actual authority to change that) but nobody cares when you are on the top of the world.

  • Trudeau lover

    Who the hell is this "Derek" you speak of ? Is he like what's her name from Montreal from last week? Perhaps he's one of Jean Chretins imaginary homeless friends. Maybe this is why American Igg misses all those votes in the House, he's trolling the streets of eastern Canada harassing innocent citizens like "Derek" and whats her face from Montreal. Why don't these people who have garnered such empathy from Igg have last names? I guess next week Iggo will be asking questions on behalf of "Mike" from Canmore. Nice schtick.

    • D.D.S

      Nobody ever told the Reformer/Harperites that you get more flies with honey than you do with vinegar………………

    • noob_goldberg

      Do you think it's impossible that Chretien actually conversed with homeless people? Say what you want about him, he had a way with talking to just about everyone, no matter how important or insignificant. I've talked to numerous cab drivers, security guards, administrative personnel, and other people who generally operate in the background of Ottawa, who have had the chance to chat with Chretien in the midst of their day-to-day duties. The man knew how to interact with people, even if you disagreed with how he governed the country.

      It would not surprise me in the least to learn that he had paused while walking between meetings to talk to a homeless person.

  • subversible

    hmm. for once i am in agreement with Mr. Wherry: derek has more useful things to say than whatever Mr. Ignatieff can conjure up. not exactly substantial, but perhaps Mr. Wherry will be able to cook up something more edible tomorrow.

  • Judge Roy Bean

    Is Amerikan Iggy paying for these adz???

    • noob_goldberg

      Perhaps you're not aware, but there are these fancy little add-ons you can get for most web browsers that will function as an effective spell-checker.

  • Placentia Bay Ex-Pat

    Who but the liberals give a hoot about the un security council and all of its cheating lieing idoits,do liberals want Canada to be a part of this bunch of creeps because cheating,stealing and lieing are true liberal values.I and most Canadians care not what liberals think or say,read the pols iggy they may tell you how much Canadians care.I talked to little Tommy and he wants to know when the liberal party is going to give back all that money they stole from us via adscam and will they give us the 500 million they gave away when they cancelled the helicopter contract and beg forgivness from the families of those that have died when the Sea Kings fell from the sky.How in the name of all that's holy do these jerks look themselves in the mirror,they should be ashamed to show there collective faces anywhere in this country,but i guess thats what being a liberal is all about.Rob,lie and scam then blame the other guy.GD losers every single one.

  • chet

    What about "little Susie", the little girl who, golly gee whiz, just asked Harper why Iggy would side with a bloc of dictatorships instead of supporting our country.

    "Why?" Little Suzie asked. "Why would that bad, bad man do such a thing?"

    (Ridicule off)

    This cheezy melodrama Iggy has taken a liking to (the story of the old woman the other week was apparantly a warm up) is the stuff of slimey snake oil salesmen, and certainly not befitting a "leader in waiting".

  • Emily

    What's amazing is that Harper doesn't know any Canadians.

  • cooper

    Harper ain't no leader. he is a joke.

  • citizen_CA

    Yes, and that is why he won two elections? I think he is a leader and you are the joke.

  • D.D.S

    a joke who is spending Canada into oblivion…..

  • citizen_CA

    Do you even realize how irrational your statement is?

  • Mr Irrelevant

    Expression of democracy? Yes, if you can craft a question that reads exactly as the opposition's spin doctors would write it up themselves (in this case with more message discipline), and it suits the opposition leader's political need to look more approachable to ordinary folk, then you too can have your insult phrased as question hurled at the government.

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