Beyond The Commons

Aaron Wherry covers all the goings-on in and around Parliament Hill. Follow Aaron on Twitter: @aaronwherry

Categories: Beyond The Commons, Capital Read

It gets better

by Aaron Wherry on Wednesday, November 10, 2010 12:31pm - 90 Comments

Michael Ignatieff adds his contribution to Dan Savage’s It Gets Better project.

Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton have also contributed. The project has also made famous a city councillor for Fort Worth by the name of Joel Burns.

Tags: Barack Obama, Dan Savage, Hillary Clinton, It Gets Better, Joel Burns, Michael Ignatieff

More by Aaron Wherry

Emily

A very nice touch….

It's something kids don't know, and it's up to adults to tell them.
gottabesaid

I love the 'It gets better' project. Too bad ignorance and homophobia make it necessary.

Mike T.

It's heart is in the right place, but I am not sure the sentiment is always true. What if Joel Burns is wrong, what if life does NOT improve for every homosexual teen?

gottabesaid

There's no good reason why it shouldn't get better — and I think the point is to let teens know that not all their peers and adults are pinheads, that there are people out there who understand and support them.

Mike T.

There's no good reason why it shouldn't get better —

***

There's hundreds. The people bullying people in school don't magically go away.

gottabesaid

There are hundreds of bad, stupid, idiotic reasons why it doesn't get better… there are no GOOD reasons.
tedbetts

No, but as you grow older you begin to see a broader world, you see you have control over your world or more of it than you thought, you can make choices over your own life that you can't in high school, etc.

Plus it generally is worse in high school: you have to go every day, it is your primary social network, you have huge amounts of unsupervised time not at home at a time when bullies can and will physically and emotionally harm you in ways they won't when those bullies become adults.

And the point of the videos is to get the kids through high school. It is a response to a sudden and sharp increase in the number of gay bashings and suicides.
Orson Bean

Well put, Ted. I wish I could find the clip, but Trey Parker & Matt Stone, the South Park guys, had a very similar and eloquent message during their interview in Bowling For Columbine. Part of their point being that when you're young, in high school, you think a lot of stuff is uber-important (e.g., whether this or that person approves of me) that, it turns out years later, is not important at all. In adolescence, you tend to catastrophize about stuff in a way that a truly mature adult is less likely to do. And perspective and experience has a lot to do with that.

Matt

it's a message of hope, and potentially a self-fufilling prophecy.

Good for Ignatieff.

Mike T.

Wouldn't a message of, say, action, be more appropriate?

tedbetts

The medium is the message, the message is the action. In this case, in part.

One of the reasons bullied kids are killing themselves, especially gay teens, is because they feel alone and no one is there to help them out, and they don't see it getting better, and they don't see a way out.

Hearing the message over and over and over again that it does get better is action. Don't judge the project from the politicians who are lending their support. The ones from real gay adults, especially Joel Burns, are far far stronger and more poignant and powerful and effective because they relay their own stories.

Emily

It always gets better….the minute they discover they're not alone.

Mike T.

But then the message would be "it's already better"

Emily

The kids who killed themselves hadn't discovered they're not alone….that's the point of this campaign….to try and make them aware of it.
Mike T.

Exactly! A man who within some people's living memory might not have been allowed in schools with people of a different colour is now the most powerful politician in America. What's his response to another minority searching for legal equality?

It's alright for a joe on the street or a municipal politician in Texas to wistfully pine that someday maybe things will improve. Obama wields that power NOW.
Emily

I dunno where you're going with this…except to blame Obama for the suicide of gay kids….but it doesn't apply.
Mike T.

sorry this was supposed to be for your reply below.

Cats

Teenagers are far more likely to suffer from depression than adults.

Its a biological fact that things get better, even if actual conditions don't.

Yay, brain chemistry!

Serotonin Cats.

Emily

I don't recall Obama supporting SSM….and in the US there's always a squabble of 'states rights' anyway.

Mike T.

Accidentally posted above:

Exactly! A man who within some people's living memory might not have been allowed in schools with people of a different colour is now the most powerful politician in America. What's his response to another minority searching for legal equality?

It's alright for a joe on the street or a municipal politician in Texas to wistfully pine that someday maybe things will improve. Obama wields that power NOW.

Emily

No, he doesn't have that power, and no he hasn't supported SSM.

He has helped by joining the 'it gets better' effort though, and he's also appointed gays to office

What makes you think one minority is bound to help another minority? It never has.

brooster2

The gall! Dennis_F must be getting into your head.
Dee

Can't wait to see Stephen Harper's video contribution to this worthy project. What? He hasn't yet? Hmm, why would that be?

john g

Right. Because we all know that on important issues like this, and climate change, the only way the problem can be solved is to have lip service paid to it by liberals.

Things like actually reaching out to charitable foundations and committing $140M for AIDS research are trivial and unimportant, and pale in comparison to the effort demonstrated in recording a 1 minute video.

Emily

That was cancelled

Crit_Reasoning

No, it wasn't cancelled. Why do you insist on making stuff up?
http://www.chvi-icvv.gc.ca/fund-rec-eng.html

Emily

Yes, it was cancelled.
http://www.google.ca/#hl=en&biw=1263&bih=…
Crit_Reasoning

One project (the manufacturing plant) was cancelled. The federal government funding ($111M) wasn't cancelled. So far, $51M has already been disbursed or committed to support HIV vaccine activities.

More information here: http://www.chvi-icvv.gc.ca/mou-eng.html
Emily

'has officially cancelled the centrepiece project of that partnership, saying a manufacturing plant is no longer needed and Canadian researchers were not up to the job anyway'
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/politics/otta…

So kindly stop accusing me of making things up. I've never said anything on here I can't back up.

PS…and stop reading govt websites as truth.
Crit_Reasoning

The HIV Vaccine Initiative hasn't been cancelled. The funding hasn't been cancelled. One possible use of those funds (the manufacturing plant project) was cancelled. The money is still being used to support AIDS research in partnership with the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation.

Do you dispute any of this?
Emily

Harper cancelled the project. Bill Gates didn't.
Crit_Reasoning

I give up. You're not even reading what I wrote.
Emily

No, because you're grasping at straws to retrieve your position….plus you owe me an apology.
Crit_Reasoning

I'm trying to figure out if you're just playing dumb, or if you sincerely don't get it.

One particular project was cancelled, because it was deemed unnecessary (from your own article: "a study commissioned by the Gates Foundation last year found that North America and Europe have sufficient vaccine manufacturing capacity to meet research need").

The funding commitment wasn't cancelled. The HIV Vaccine Initiative hasn't been cancelled. Do you understand the difference, Emily? It's not complicated.
Cats

Hey froggy! You're talking to somebody who just said:

"I've never said anything on here I can't back up. "

Meanwhile she's also claimed the US has low corporate tax rates, that no polls showed Harper leading, that the democrats were going to win in november, etc etc etc.

Correcting Emils Cats!

tedbetts

"the only way the problem can be solved is to have lip service paid to it by liberals. "

Yes. That is only a "liberal" trait.

And Stephen Harper was serious and he meant what he said when he said climate change is "perhaps the biggest threat to confront the future of humanity today."

No lip service from this guy. No siree.

Same thing about: spending reductions, deficits, wait time guarantees, 100,000 day care spaces, unelected senators, public appointments commissioner, independent budget chief, accountability, strengthening the powers of the ethics commissioner, etc etc etc.

john g

Ted, my barb was targeted not so much at liberal politicians offering the lip service (because as you so correctly point out, conservative politicians are equally guilty of it), but the unelected so-called activists and lobbyists for these various causes which lap it up while ignoring real progress.

Harper could single-handedly invent a scientific breakthrough that solves climate change, and environmentalists would still call him the equivalent of an environmental terrorist. Because they are not environmental activists. They are political activists hiding behind a front cause. They care about these symbolic gestures from liberals rather than actual progress. What do you think the environmental lobby would have done if Harper had made the hugely symbolic gesture of scrubbing his official website of any trace of his climate change promises, as Obama has done (without a peep from the lobby or media)?

The National Organization of Women in the US is another perfect example. Here we had a case where a Democrat male called his Republican female opponent a "whore". Mere hours after that, NOW came out with their endorsement. For the male Democrat. While whitewashing and justifying his comments, while at the same time saying that "from now on, it's unacceptable to call a political opponent a whore".

Dee's post is just another example of the activist mentality at work.

Emily

Ahh now all 'activists' are lefties? And amazingly enough it only involves Dems, women and the usual suspects?

I'll bet all the rightwing activists who churn for abortion, gays, stem cells, a panel to 'investigate scientific fraud' and so on will be amazed to hear that!
Cats

Did you just call someone sexist ?

Sorry I missed the point. Was that the insinuation ?

Cats ?

tedbetts

Let's not make this a partisan thing. That's not what it is about.

sourstud

Bingo!!!!!! And I suspect that's EXACTLY why Stephen Harper is keeping his nose out of it.

As if any politicians need this type of grass roots campaign to get their message out. If Iggy feels so strongly about this, he should have been spear-heading the campaign, rather than using the campaign to attempt to promote himself.

tedbetts

OK, I'll say the same thing to you: Let's not make this a partisan thing. That's not what it is about.

Your second paragraph is complete BS and fails to recognize even the most basic issue that this is about or how it started.

This is not about getting a politicians message out or spear-heading anything to show you care. Some concerns citizens put up a few simple videos, some more people put up some videos, until it became a raging internet video virus all the way up to Presidents, Secretary's of State, etc.

This is joining in and making the collective voice, and therefore the collective message, that much louder and stronger.

Like I said somewhere else here, the best ones are the ones from those who have experienced what the target audience is going through. The politicians jumping on is nice and makes it a bigger campaign, but the campaign is the thing, not the campaigners.

So I don't care if someone has chosen not to do this (which is why I get pissed when someone knocks someone like Harper for not (yet) doing on, but I'm equally pissed at those who want to get in any kind of partisan dig for actually participating and trying to help out).

sourstud

I mostly agree with you. Though I think politicians should know better than to get involved in anything that they want to remain non-partisan. Do you remember a certain BC Conservative MP expressing his support for the Vancouver Canucks during the playoffs last year and sparking a national unity crisis?

And my partisan dig was intended more to point out where Dee's comment would lead the debate, than to be an actual point about Iggy.

So in short, I think we agree.
LdKitchenersOwn

Do you remember a certain BC Conservative MP expressing his support for the Vancouver Canucks during the playoffs last year and sparking a national unity crisis?

Not to nitpick, but I don't believe the MP in question expressed HIS support for the Canucks… he expressed CANADIANS' support for the Canucks. If he'd said "The Canucks are my team, Go Canucks!" there wouldn't have been much controversy. The problem was calling the Canucks "Canada's team" when, at best, their the third place finisher in the run for that title, and probably, frankly, in fifth place.
sourstud

"The problem was calling the Canucks "Canada's team" when, at best, their the third place finisher in the run for that title, and probably, frankly, in fifth place."

I'm a huge Canucks fan, but I think you give them too much credit there. I think they'd easily be 6th place, and quite possibly follow behind a few of the O6 teams. I have some family members that will simply NEVER forgive Vancouver for booing Team Canada during the '72 Summit Series. I know, it was almost 40 years ago, but they still cheered for Chicago over Vancouver during the playoffs last year, and bring it up every time I mention something good about the 'Nucks.

sourstud

Probably because he realized that this type of campaign is much more effective is much more effective if politicians stay out of it. And here you've gone and demonstrated EXACTLY why.

A more important question to ask might be "What exactly has Obama done to further gay rights"? When you realize that the answer is "diddly squat", then you'll be halfway to understanding why politicians only make a matter more divisive.

tedbetts

Your first paragraph is probably right. And here in your second paragraph you've gone and demonstrated EXACTLY why.

(By the way, the campaign is not about gay "rights". It's about bullying and suicide and getting through high school.)
Orson Bean

I agree that Obama has gotten off very lightly for his relative inaction on gay rights issues. That is one issue on which he has completely let his Democratic Party base down.

Funny thing is, it's a bit like Reagan and Bush on abortion — they talked a good game, but actually did very little about it. And were not really harshly criticized by their base.

Canuck237503

And it's worth noting–Obama's position on gay rights is not winning him a single vote from anyone who's currently Republican. But it has infuriated the left wing of the Democratic party. None of my gay friends (nor I) gave a penny to the party this year. I got called by a fundraiser who asked for money, I told her that until they did something and until the President stopped saying he is against it, I wasn't giving a dime. She gave me "we have to keep Republicans out" and I observed that in 2 years of running everything, they hadn't done a thing.

My point being that while we gays will dutifully vote Democratic, a lot fewer of us are giving money or volunteering to work on campaigns.

Cats

Fat kids. Nerdy kids.

It would be nice if the campaign was extended to others.

Oh and bullies ? They have problems too. Might be a good idea to reach out to them and not demonizing bullying.

CATZS!

http://stumblingabordeaux.blogspot.com Pato31

You seem rather bitter about something. It's OK Cats (or Catzs?)… It gets better!

Cats

Bitter ? Nope.

Just saw on the news that a bully committed suicide after getting caught. Lance Bass said he was one of the biggest bullies in his school.

Sometimes things are little more complicated than they seem.

But hey, don't let me interrupt your demonetization and bullying of conservatives!

OK Cats! Or CATZZS! Z and S are the same SOUNDZS!

frobisher

Is demonetization something conservatives are worrying about? There has been some advocacy for a return to the gold standard lately….

Cats

Lol, I did watch Sarah Palin's speech, read about Robert Zoelick's proposal, and hear Carney's denunciation of the idea yesterday.

Georgia on my mind.

Cats!

Canuck237503

But this is generic enough that it could apply to them too.

Out There

All of the most interesting people I know – some gay, some not – had a difficult time of it in junior high school or high school. It does get better.

bennji1977

Amen to that – I continually try and emphasize to my 17 year old step daughter that almost everything that makes someone "cool" in high school, makes them really "uncool" in the real world.

Geeks rule the world!
tedbetts

And once it gets better, we all pine for the days when we were the age we were when we were in high school saying "if I only knew then what I know now".

Claudia Lemire

Agree, If only…

MostlyCivil

For one, I might not have spent so much money buying skinny leather ties and second-hand black suit jackets.

Claudia Lemire

Hahaha, or play out loud on your stereo Madona, man , what was I thinking?

http://stumblingabordeaux.blogspot.com Pato31

The heartfelt speech by Joel Burns is especially touching. To be able to speak about such personal and emotional matters in such a public forum is a testament to somebody's courage and strength!

Also, good on Ignatieff for joining the conversation. It's about time!
craigola

Generally speaking, I'm not likely to agree with Dennis_F's take on a situation, but I can't help but feel that it's more fair to let him express his position for himself, rather than putting words in his mouth and then attacking him for something he didn't even say.

Maybe especially so in a thread on bullying?

http://stumblingabordeaux.blogspot.com Pato31

Putting words in his mouth? Ok… maybe a little – taken from the MPs don purple post from a little while ago:

"Regarding the importance of raising awareness, two things. Again, we're raising awareness about something we still don't know much about. Second, everything you mentioned about homosexuality can be attributed to a number of other things teens experience, including heterosexual sex. Yet it's only gay teen suicide that we're supposed to wear scarves for." – Dennis_F

But you're right, it's not very nice of me to talk about him whilst he's away. So I'll delete the first post.

Emily

Kids are certainly picked on about a lot of things…too tall, too small, too fat, too thin, too smart, too dumb….the clothing is wrong, or the skin colour or the nationality….etc

And if they can't find anything there is always the all-purpose 'cooties'.

But this is something else again. Some of these kids have been told the God of the entire freaking universe hates them….and they will burn in Hell forever. And not just kids tell them this…but adults.

One of the kids that committed suicide was…in grade four.

Claudia Lemire

It is so sad!!
http://stumblingabordeaux.blogspot.com Pato31

"Some of these kids have been told the God of the entire freaking universe hates them….and they will burn in Hell forever. And not just kids tell them this…but adults."

I think that's exactly it. Kids who are ridiculed for being "too short or too fat" aren't subjected to the idea that they're bound for an eternity in blazing hell. It's unfathomable for a gay teenager to tell his parents, school counsellor, or teacher, that he's being taunted and teased if he or she hasn't come out yet… The support system might be there, but as a teenager struggling with his or her sexual identity, it is an unbelievably difficult task to simply approach and deal with the subject matter with others.

This is why such projects like "It Gets Better" is so important. It's a resource for kids and teenagers to broach the subject, if only in an anonymous and personal way.

Emily

I don't know how you begin to get help if you can't tell your parents or teachers….and how to come to grips with it themselves….! I mean, grade 4?

I really hope there are more outreach efforts like this one.
Cats

Not everyone is Christian or even believes in God …

Cats!

http://stumblingabordeaux.blogspot.com Pato31

Good Job!

Cats

Yeah I don't know why you're turning this into a bizarre anti-religious thing.

Weird. Fat kids are told they are unattractive to either sex.
I think that's kind of a bigger deal than being told you're going to hell.

Cats away!
http://stumblingabordeaux.blogspot.com Pato31

Um ok. Go create a support group for children suffering from bullying due to obesity.

The comparison is awful though considering that there are solutions pertaining to obesity. You can't change a homosexual to a heterosexual or vice versa.
Cats

Realistically there are people who are going to be obese for the rest of their life unless they take extreme, drastic measures because that's their genetic make up.

Saying there are solutions is glib.

The flip side is the very serious problem of anorexia. Girls bullying girls for not being pretty. Body issues.

I'm just taking issue with your characterization that gay bullying is THE WORST THING EVER. Not only bad but UNIQUELY bad because it involves GOING TO HELL because of persecution from those nasty CHRISTIANS!!

People care more about being attractive to others than they do about heaven or hell.

Trying to say one type of bullying is worse than another type is just stupid.

Calling you out Cats.
gottabesaid

If you're curious (you are a Cat), have a sample of the kind of sentiments being thrown around by fundamentalists:
http://www.cynical-c.com/?p=19492

Ugly.
Jan

You have nine lives, cats , so for you it's not an immediate problem.

Canuck237503

It's more than that–these kids don't also face being kicked out of their homes for being gay. I know people who told their parents and came home from school to find their stuff on the lawn. I have friends that came out as adults and have no contact with their families.

This just doesn't happen to fat and nerdy and whatever else kids.

Cats

When fat people go down the street people KNOW they are fat. There's no "closet" for fat people, you can't hide it even if you wanted to.

The ridicule, staring, and prejudice they face just trying to live their lives is just crazy.

This just doesn't happen to nerdy or gay and whatever else kids.

(Now i'm going to do one about being in a wheelchair and not being able to enter buildings.
Trying to say one thing is WORSE than others is just stupid.)

Disabled Cats, wishing you'd take people's disabilities seriously Cats.

Canuck237503

I don't know why this has to turn into "oh we are more beaten up than others." Bullying isn't a zero sum game. Sure, it would be grand if there were some national campaign to eradicate bullying. But in the interim, I don't get why when people band together to at least try to stop the merciless bullying that so many gay kids get, others say "well what about [OTHERS]???"

If you think that attention should be drawn to the plight of fat kids, dorky kids (which I certainly was, but thank god I went to University of Toronto Schools, i.e. dork central), the go ahead and do it. But when we are out there looking after gay kids, there should be no objection that "WHAT ABOUT THE OTHERZ?!?11!one!"
Cats

You (and Pato) both made claims that one experience is especially bad.

There's tons of bad experiences and we DO need a national anti-bullying campaign. That's the entire point.

I have nothing against this campaign or people with personal experiences participating.

What annoys me is that people with nothing to do with these kids or their experiences are jumping on this bandwagon.

They should be sending out a wider message to ALL KIDS.

It should be inclusive.

Inclusive Cats.

sourstud

it would make a huge difference in the black community, which can be very anti-gay.

Good point. It would be interesting to see a breakdown of homophobia by race (if such a poll existed). I suspect that intolerant hateful Whitey would probably be least homophobic.
sourstud

Dee's comment below demonstrates my last point to a tee.
Cats

He does have a point though doesn't he ?

Gay teens are more likely to commit suicide but they are a small minority of the population.
Depending on how the statistics work out there's a good chunk of suicides that are unrelated.

Maybe we should broaden the conversation at some point ?

Cats ?

craigola

Who has a good point? Dennis_F? To the extent that he's contributed firsthand to this thread, no, but so as not to incur your feline wrath, I'll agree that yes, people other than gay teens commit suicide.
As far as broadening the conversation is concerned, hey, you don't need my permission. Go right ahead. The group behind the "It Gets Better" campaign has identified gay teens as a group to which they want to devote their attention, and I think they've done a pretty good job so far, don't you?
But, if you're more worried about suicides among fund managers or mice or conservative internet trolls, by all means, go get yourself a catchy slogan and have at 'er.

Cats

Depression is behind most teen suicide.

Its treatable. But there is a stigma and lack of awareness.
The day politicians actually tackle an issue like mental health, well that would be something.

This is a fun little project but it doesn't have much educational value. I doubt it will help that many people at all actually.

Anyways Cats.

tedbetts

On a slightly related note, and to show what kind of immense pressure a kid can be under if they are considered gay or even girlie, consider the response to one mom who wrote a blog post on her nothing/unknown blog.

Her 5 year old son and his best friend (a girl) loved Scooby Doo and so they decided to dress the same for Halloween, both as Daphne. Many of the parents at school were very angry about this so she wrote a simple blog post defending her choice to let her son do what he wants. She had over 1,000,000 hits on her blog post with nearly 100,000 comments.

And almost as revealing is how pretty much every media commenter refers to the son as "gay" just because he dressed up in a girl's costume.
http://stumblingabordeaux.blogspot.com Pato31

Why does this even have to be a left vs right issue? What do some of the commentators on this forum have against providing a little bit of inspiration and hope to kids who might feel rejected, isolated and potentially suicidal. I have a hard time believing that it's because the campaign doesn't target a large enough demographic (ie. all youth as opposed to just the gays) and that all would be fine if we just broadened the scope of our efforts. Sorry, but a huge campaign focusing on general bullying isn't going to address the specific needs or concerns felt by gay youth. So if you feel there's a need to address other types of bullying, go right ahead, start a campaign. Hell, I'll probably support it!

In the meantime, we should be appreciating the fact that some people out there are trying to make a difference, trying to save lives. Whether or not Ignatieff's words were sincere (I think they were) it's another voice added to a growing chorus of support. There's nothing wrong with that!

gottabesaid

I think it's important to note that any decent school board has an anti-bullying policy or campaign. Obviously, these campaigns aren't working when it comes to this particular type of bullying. This 'It Gets Better' is an attempt to address the problem. It can't hurt.
Cats

Why can't it be inclusive ??

It would be better if everyone talked about their own experiences, their own challenges, and how things improved for them.

What in the heck does Ignatieff know about being a gay teen ? He wasn't one himself.

I'd rather he talk about something he has life experience with.

I'd talk about the challenges of being a cat, for instance.

http://stumblingabordeaux.blogspot.com Pato31

I suggest you take a look at the It Gets Better videos. The majority are gay people who explain the challenges they faced in high school, the pressures of fitting in, the bullying, the rejection of friends and family, and finally how everything improved later on.

Why can't Ignatieff be a voice in this project? Are you saying that only gay people have the power to comfort and reassure depressed, suicidal gay teens?

Why water down a message in the name of inclusivity? Its like asking Breast Cancer to start including all different types of cancers in their campaigns. But there is a different set of challenges facing these particular kids that needs to be addressed. Get over it. And anyways, I'm sure that in general, any bullied kid could look at these videos and find a message that applies to them, whether gay or straight, fat or skinny, nerdy or sporty.