Trudeau and the ScrumMaster

Dear Scott:
It seems to me this proroguing thing has many unreported consequences. How will those Ottawa caterers of cucumber sandwiches and chocolate cheese hors d’oeuvres survive? Will we see a desperate glut of beaver tail booths dotting the shores of the canal as a result? Where will Mitchel get his regular fare of Justin Trudeau photos if the lobbyists have no one to booze and schoomze? Where will Peter Milliken’ s dinner jacket/speaker’s outfit hang out? The multiplier effect of prorogation is astounding, and not fully reported! – Dot
Dot –
Rest easy. At Maclean’s, we’re committed to ensuring that Canadians will never, ever have to endure a week without a compelling new photo essay in which Justin Trudeau casts an intense, smoldering gaze toward Mitchel’s camera at a Parliament Hill reception.
That’s why our publisher, Ken Whyte, recently spent $300-million to build a computer-generated, 3D environment – an intricately rendered, futuristic world we’re calling Justonia. On Justonia, Parliament is always in session, lobbyists are always currying favour and inedible cocktail meatballs are always on the simmer. Stephen Harper could prorogue Parliament eight ways to Tuesday (his actual plan) and our Justin Trudeau pictorials would just keep on coming. You’re welcome, Canada.
I’ll be honest with you: When word leaked of Ken’s plan to spend twice Paul Wells’s salary on the fabrication of a state-of-the-art alternate reality, some called him mad. Many called him financially reckless. A few called him a daring visionary possessed of a devastatingly potent sexual allure. These people were angling for a raise.
But Ken got the job done, dammit. And I am honoured to report that Mr. Whyte has chosen me to be the “driver” of the Justin Trudeau avatar. (The competition wasn’t as tough as you might think: Wherry failed the physical and Coyne kept making “Justin” punch himself in the face.)
We’re going to bring Mitchel in and start our initial photo shoot as soon as I complete my training. I’m still working to develop the dexterity required to unfasten the two top buttons on my shirt.