This Week: Good news/Bad news

By macleans.ca - Friday, November 27, 2009 at 10:45 AM - 3 Comments

A week in the life of twilight
Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new box-office champion. The Twilight Saga: New Moon grossed $72.7 million on its first day in theatres last Friday—the previous best was The Dark Knight’s $67.2 million. Screaming teenagers lined up for midnight screenings to find out what would happen to vampire Edward and vampire-lover Bella (though most already knew the outcome from reading and rereading the novel). Said teens then proceeded to scream throughout the movie.

GOOD NEWS

Tough on child porn
The Harper government introduced a smart new bill aimed at curtailing child pornography on the Internet. Under the tough legislation, Web-hosting companies and Internet service providers that fail to report pornographic content on their servers would be punished. This is the most logical way to get to those vile people who post child porn online: service providers are the closest link to unmasking this underground scourge, because they, in effect, carry the content (even if they don’t know it). If ISPs are scared into cracking down on what appears on their servers, the battle against child porn will be half-won already.

Bittersweet swap
Israel and Hamas appear to be closing in on a deal that would see the Palestinian terrorist group release Israeli soldier Gilad Shalit, who was kidnapped by Palestinians in June 2006. Israel would offer 1,000 Palestinians currently being held in Israeli jails in return, including alleged murderer Marwan Barghouti, currently serving five life terms in an Israeli prison. The swap, should it happen, would be bittersweet for Israel: while Shalit’s return would be cause for celebration, Barghouti would likely assume a top leadership role in Fatah, and perhaps replace the moderate Mahmoud Abbas as Palestinian leader, a move that could bring Fatah and Hamas together. In the long run, then, this deal could actually hamper Middle East peace.

GST, American-style
Does America need a GST? Some economists are now arguing that instituting a federal value-added tax could be the answer to bringing down America’s huge deficit. This won’t sound like good news to consumers—Americans will certainly find a VAT-style tax just as annoying as Canadians find the GST—but it makes good economic sense, and deserves to be given due consideration. Let’s hope that aggressive provincial politicians from our side of the border don’t turn Washington off the idea.

Jon & Kate abate
The saga of Jon and Kate Gosselin and their eight young children is, thankfully, over—their TV show, Jon & Kate Plus 8, aired for the last time on Tuesday night after three seasons. We were never fans of the older Gosselins—though the kids are inarguably cute to watch—but the public squabbling after their marriage ended earlier this year was too much to take. The parents ended up looking like selfish brats—their kids were the real heroes. Jon and Kate’s messy divorce will surely continue, but at least not in prime time. We expect Oprah Winfrey will find a much classier way to sign off when her show ends in 2011.

BAD NEWS

Vexing vaccine
Swine flu confusion continues. While some experts have opined that the worst of the H1N1 pandemic is now behind us, others are warning against over-prescribing the vaccine. The World Health Organization also seems utterly confused: it’s recommending that doctors give out the vaccine to anyone showing symptoms of swine flu, and at the same time recommends that healthy people with mild symptoms not be given the vaccine. As if that weren’t enough, the WHO also announced on Tuesday that it has seen an unusually high number of severe allergic reactions to the vaccine in Canada.

Election problems
Iraqis were preparing to go to the polls in January, but now it looks like they will have to wait to cast their votes. Parliament has been unable to pass an election law, because of objections from Sunnis that they will be under-represented—and Sunni Vice-President Tariq al-Hashemi has threatened to veto the law. (Iraq’s Kurds have also protested the election on the same basis, though a recent amendment to the election law seems to have satisfied them.) With the United States set to begin withdrawing troops next year, a constitutional crisis is the last thing that the war-torn country can handle. If there is to be success in Iraq, this election must occur on time, and it must be free of corruption. There is no alternative.

Gore vs. Alberta
Al Gore is at it again, and this time he’s inconveniencing Albertans. In a speech on Tuesday, the former vice-president (and almost-president) opined that oil extraction from Alberta’s tar sands presents a serious environmental problem. This after he pasted the sands project in Rolling Stone magazine in 2006, saying, “They have to tear up four tons of landscape, all for one barrel of oil. It is truly nuts. But, you know, junkies find veins in their toes.” We don’t buy Gore’s doom-and-gloom scenario (odd, isn’t it, that his latest funereal pronouncements come right after he released a new climate book), and we hope Alberta’s hard-working population won’t suffer because of his reckless speechifying.

Idol no more
Former American Idol runner-up Adam Lambert embarrassed himself—and offended a whole lot of others—on Sunday night at the American Music Awards.His raunchy performance included pantomimed fellatio and a make-out session with a keyboard player. If you weren’t already convinced that pop music has become more about selling sex and less about actual talent, we now rest our case.

FACE OF THE WEEK

Newsmakers of the week

By Lianne George - Thursday, May 28, 2009 at 9:30 AM - 2 Comments

Dame tracking

Elizabeth Taylor, 77, who was in the hospital last week for a routine visit, has “fallen in love” with Twitter according to her spokesman Dick Guttman. From her bed, using the moniker Dame Elizabeth, Taylor told her followers (22,500 and counting) that she was “counting the days” until the opening of Michael Jackson’s concert series in London, that she recently enjoyed “delicious tomatoes” grown in her garden, and that she watched the movie Twilight on DVD and “wants more!” On Friday, in a personal tweet to her good friend, former Sports Illustrated model Kathy Ireland, she thanked her for the beautiful flowers and the prayers, and requested that Ireland find a way to sneak her puppy past hospital security. “It’s not true that I love animals more than people,” she wrote earlier that day of her famous love of animals. “They are a very close second.”

Of swastikas and good parenting

A couple in Winnipeg who drew international attention after their young daughter turned up at school last year with white supremacist symbols, including Nazi swastikas, drawn on her body, began their legal battle for custody of their children this week. The couple, who can’t be named under provincial law, will argue that Manitoba Child and Family Services had no right to seize their daughter and son from their home. “I believe there is no legal basis for the children having been apprehended,” the boy’s father (and the girl’s stepfather) wrote in an affidavit. But the government agency is seeking guardianship of the siblings, alleging that the girl told authorities that her mother had taught her that “black people just need to die because this is a white world,” and that if she ever made any non-white friends, her mother would disown her. Social workers also allege that the couple abuse drugs and alcohol and are physically abusive toward the children. But the father insists he and his wife are model guardians and that the seizure of his kids over the swastika incident is a violation of his freedom of conscience, belief and association under the Charter of Rights and Freedoms. “In my opinion,” he wrote, “both [their mother] and I were excellent parents.”

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Toward a unified theory of American Idol and Canadian politics

By Aaron Wherry - Monday, May 25, 2009 at 10:44 AM - 2 Comments

Doug Bell attempts to make the connection.

If that’s the idea, the ads do the trick. Ignatieff ‘s suggestion that the ads are anti-immigrant because they question Ig’s loyalty to a country he’s spent half his life avoiding misses the point. It’s not that he wasn’t in the country for 34 years, it’s what he was doing. Egghead, pointyhead, poindexter – call him what you will, Ig’s an exotic, a rare bird. And while that shouldn’t be any kind of disqualification it often is (see Stevenson, Adlai). It’s all particularly hilarious since if “ordinary” Canadians actually got to know Steve-O, they’d realize that in his own way he’s more of a nerdling geek that Ig. But guess what – Canadians aren’t going to get to know the real Stephen Harper because he’s got that Timmy-Ho, hockey-dad bit down pat. I pray I’m wrong about all this, but then again I actually did prefer Kris Allen to Adam Lambert so it looks like another season in Dipper hell for me.

See also, Frank Rich on American Idol and the slow march towards gay marriage.

American Idol: Kris Allen? Really?

By Aaron Wherry - Wednesday, May 20, 2009 at 10:28 PM - 26 Comments

Having made it through an hour last night, we’re back for two more. It’s the American Idol season finale. And only the very soul of the last global empire hangs in the balance.

8:00pm. And we’re off. Cue the dramatic opening montage. “The final battle… the biggest moment of their lives… their lives have been changed forever.” You know, on that last point, the same could be said of almost everything that happens to you everyday. Think about it.

8:02pm. Ryan Seacrest says phone lines were jammed last night, but still just under 100-million votes were registered. Apparently this is some sort of record. The American dream is alive and well.

8:03pm. Randy Jackson is wearing a large, maroon-velvet bowtie. See last night’s comment about Sesame Street.

8:06pm. Ryan introduces “the two guys who have captured the hearts of the nation.” It is, at this point, necessary to report that last night’s finale was the lowest rated in Idol history. Continue…

American Idol: Adam Lambert and some other guy

By Aaron Wherry - Tuesday, May 19, 2009 at 9:13 PM - 9 Comments

FOR A DIARY OF WEDNESDAY NIGHT’S FINALE CLICK HERE

And so then there were two. Which is to say then there was one. Just one undeserving contestant with a chance to beat Adam Lambert. Just one undeserving contestant standing between us and a heated debate over America’s willingness to accept a possibly gay American Idol.

It’s Adam Lambert. It’s some other guy. We’re either getting the most compelling Idol in the show’s history or we’re reigniting the culture wars. We can’t lose.

Herein a running diary of this season’s penultimate episode of American Idol. It’ll be like a live blog. Only with the benefit of me having more time to work out the jokes.

8:00pm. Ryan Seacrest opens the show in an expensive-looking suit. Is there anyone in pop culture whose success is more disproportionate to his identifiable talents? He’s a sort of genius.

8:05pm. Our first commercial break and our first Conservative attack ad.

8:09pm. Adam’s up first. In an interview with his parents we learn that he was a troublesome child who screamed a lot. Which is remarkable and telling because that only describes approximately 64% of all infants.

8:10pm. Adam reprises his Gary Jules-inspired version of the Tears for Fears’ classic Mad World. Dry ice and spooky lights. Lambert looks like a cross between David Bowie and the Undertaker.

8:13pm. Randy Jackson gives him an A for Adam. Randy Jackson is basically a Seasame Street character brought to life.

8:15pm. Next up it’s Kris Allen. Apparently he convinced his parents to pay him to sing when he was a child. Which is altogether rather impressive.

8:17pm. Ain’t No Sunshine on the piano. There are a dozen hotel bars in the southeastern United States that regularly feature more interesting performers.

8:18pm. Judges commence over-enthusing about Allen’s performance so as to justify the next 45 minutes and guard themselves against an upset tomorrow night. “You awaken the spirit in all of us,” says Paula. You get the feeling Paula would say the same thing to her Starbucks barista in the morning.

8:23pm. Adam puts on a silver suit to perform A Change is Gonna Come. Oh the potential subtext. Oh the potential awkwardness. Strangely, it’s pretty decent.

8:28pm. Paula Abdul orgasms.

8:29pm. After giving round one to Kris, Simon tries to claim this puts Adam “back in the game.”

8:30pm. Cut to shot of Katie Holmes in the crowd covering Suri’s ears. Scientology jokes are way too easy to make at this point.

8:35pm. Back from commercial, Kris performs an acoustic version of What’s Going On? These two songs were apparently selections of the show’s producer, Simon Fuller. Is Fuller feeling a bit down about the world these days? Barack Obama got elected, dude. Everything’s cool now.

8:38pm. Simon and Randy agree it wasn’t enough. Kara DioGuardi tries to explain Kris’ vast potential to initiate social change. Or something. Paula Abdul orders a venti, no-foam, extra-hot, soy latte.

8:39pm. “Lot of symbolism tonight,” says Ryan. Er. Okay.

8:43pm. Now the two finalists perform what would be their first, instantly forgettable, single if they win, this one written by DioGuardi. Shockingly it’s about reaching for your dreams and climbing mountains and facing hurricanes and not giving up and there being no boundaries. It’s actually an interesting test. Give a singer a terrible song and see if they can salvage anything.

8:46pm. Adam gets through it. Kara claps for her own song.

8:47pm. Simon laughs at the mountains and hurricanes, declines to judge the song directly and instead just praises Lambert in general. As he’s laughing about the lyrics, you can hear Kara saying, “I know, I know.” Which is an interesting way of conceding the awfulness of your work.

8:53pm. After another commercial, Kris gives it a try. He keeps tapping his chest. Possibly in attempt to suppress the vomit.

8:55pm. “You should be very proud of what you’ve done in this competition,” Randy says. So, that sucked.

8:56pm. “I don’t want you to be judged on that song,” Kara says. So, yeah, that really sucked.

8:56pm. “I wish you the best of luck,” Paula says. So, er, good luck then.

8:57pm. Simon says Kris has made his parents proud. Ha.

9:00pm. And now Carrie Underwood is singing to a montage review of the season. There’s the blind guy. And the girl in the bikini. And the guy in the bunny suit. And a bunch of other contestants you’ve already forgotten and will never hear from again. Ah, memories.

9:03pm. And that’s it. Back tomorrow for the results. Bring your blunt objects and best window-smashing gloves. We’ll be proceeding directly to the riot if Adam doesn’t win.

Don't quit your day job

By Aaron Wherry - Wednesday, May 6, 2009 at 4:07 PM - 0 Comments

In unrelated news, here are 750 words on Adam Lambert and American Idol.

Adam Lambert can’t win? Come on.

By Aaron Wherry - Tuesday, May 5, 2009 at 10:37 AM - 74 Comments

Appearing on American Idol recently, Miley Cyrus, the reigning princess of Middle America, met Adam Lambert, the gothy favourite to win this year’s contest. “Adam said I looked gorgeous, which was nice,” Cyrus later told Ryan Seacrest on the Idol host’s radio show. Asked about the potential for romance, Cyrus was less enthusiastic. “He’s not my type,” she reportedly said. “He wears eyeliner.”

Perhaps Cyrus was trying to be polite. For sure, there are greater obstacles to any potential coupling. For one, Lambert, 27, is 10 years Cyrus’s senior. For another, Cyrus is a girl. And Lambert is quite possibly gay.

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