Why 'American Idol' needs Paula Abdul

By Jaime Weinman - Wednesday, August 12, 2009 - 1 Comment

The “crazy” judge is as important as the “mean” one

Is Paula Abdul reality TV's Lucy Ricardo? When Paula Abdul announced on Twitter that she would not be returning to American Idol for another season, the question at the heart of all the ensuing discussion was this: does the show need her? TV writer and blogger Ken Levine put it simply when he imagined a producer asking her manager, “What exactly does Paula Abdul bring to American Idol that we can’t replace?” American Idol has always basically been the Simon Cowell show; he’s the one who provides the memorable put-downs. The main job of any other judge is to offer a counterbalance to the acerbic Simon. Paula wanted to be paid as though she was just as important as Simon, and the producers didn’t agree. By announcing the intention to fill her slot with guest judges, including Katy Perry and Posh Spice, they’re essentially betting that anyone can do what she did.

But is that true? There are two reasons to think that she’s an essential part of the show. One, her legendarily weird behaviour provides a large portion of the unpredictability on what has become a relatively predictable show. Simon’s insults, and even the moments when his heart melts and he pays someone a compliment, are well-known and widely-anticipated. But nobody can anticipate Paula. Many of the show’s most memorable and bizarre moments come from her apparent disconnect from reality, like the time she criticized a contestant for his performance of a song he hadn’t sung yet, or the time she told another singer that she wanted “to squeeze your head off and dangle you from my rearview mirror.” Her over-emphatic gestures and slurred speech haven’t only led to her spending lots of time denying that she’s a substance abuser; they’ve become almost as iconic as Simon’s sneer, and in some ways a lot more fun.

The other thing Paula brought to Idol was a certain connection with what the show is supposed to be about: music and performance. Many people have noted that she’s the nicest and most enthusiastic of the judges, and that the contestants seem to think that her criticism is the most constructive (once they figure out what she’s trying to say). That’s what made her the perfect foil for Simon. Cowell, a producer and executive, looks at music as a business, and evaluates every performer as a possible commercial prospect. Abdul can relate to contestants and loves performance and performers. She may be weird, but she provides a certain warmth that the show might not otherwise have.

That might explain why other reality TV producers are interested in getting Paula on their show. She’s in talks with So You Think You Can Dance, and ABC chief Stephen McPherson told the Television Critics Association that he was considering signing Abdul (who used to date him) for Dancing With the Stars, calling her “a huge talent.”

If you think about it, Abdul’s two biggest characteristics—her warm likeability and her craziness—are the characteristics that make a memorable TV character; like Lucy on I Love Lucy, she’s someone lovable enough to invite into your home, and weird enough that you think she’ll make a wreck of everything. Let’s see Posh Spice do all that.

Liveblog: Michael Jackson memorial

By Aaron Wherry - Tuesday, July 7, 2009 at 11:39 AM - 22 Comments

Paris’s speech caps a heartbreaking tribute: “Daddy has been the best father you could ever imagine.”

Welcome to live coverage of Michael Jackson’s memorial. I’m going to spend the next few hours watching CNN, writing about it and linking to whatever I find interesting. Should be a wholly uncomfortable afternoon. (See the photo gallery from the memorial here)

11:30pm. First up, live coverage of the private memorial at Forest Lawn cemetery as seen from a helicopter circling overhead. Very, very classy. Let’s distract ourselves. Maybe go buy a copy—or 12!—of our commemorative issue. Or go read Sasha Frere-Jones at the New Yorker. Or Tom Junod’s obit. Or ?uestlove’s twitter feed. Whatever you do just don’t watch television, ok? I’ll tell you when it’s mildly safe to look.

11:42pm. CNN’s Don Lemon is reviewing the program for the memorial ceremony. It’s like storytime in kindergarten. Only way sadder. Continue…
Toward a unified theory of American Idol and Canadian politics

By Aaron Wherry - Monday, May 25, 2009 at 10:44 AM - 2 Comments

Doug Bell attempts to make the connection.

If that’s the idea, the ads do the trick. Ignatieff ‘s suggestion that the ads are anti-immigrant because they question Ig’s loyalty to a country he’s spent half his life avoiding misses the point. It’s not that he wasn’t in the country for 34 years, it’s what he was doing. Egghead, pointyhead, poindexter – call him what you will, Ig’s an exotic, a rare bird. And while that shouldn’t be any kind of disqualification it often is (see Stevenson, Adlai). It’s all particularly hilarious since if “ordinary” Canadians actually got to know Steve-O, they’d realize that in his own way he’s more of a nerdling geek that Ig. But guess what – Canadians aren’t going to get to know the real Stephen Harper because he’s got that Timmy-Ho, hockey-dad bit down pat. I pray I’m wrong about all this, but then again I actually did prefer Kris Allen to Adam Lambert so it looks like another season in Dipper hell for me.

See also, Frank Rich on American Idol and the slow march towards gay marriage.
American Idol: Kris Allen? Really?

By Aaron Wherry - Wednesday, May 20, 2009 at 10:28 PM - 26 Comments

A diary of the shocking season finale

Having made it through an hour last night, we’re back for two more. It’s the American Idol season finale. And only the very soul of the last global empire hangs in the balance.

8:00pm. And we’re off. Cue the dramatic opening montage. “The final battle… the biggest moment of their lives… their lives have been changed forever.” You know, on that last point, the same could be said of almost everything that happens to you everyday. Think about it.

8:02pm. Ryan Seacrest says phone lines were jammed last night, but still just under 100-million votes were registered. Apparently this is some sort of record. The American dream is alive and well.

8:03pm. Randy Jackson is wearing a large, maroon-velvet bowtie. See last night’s comment about Sesame Street.

8:06pm. Ryan introduces “the two guys who have captured the hearts of the nation.” It is, at this point, necessary to report that last night’s finale was the lowest rated in Idol history. Continue…
The Most Important Question After IDOL…

By Jaime Weinman - Wednesday, May 20, 2009 at 10:13 PM - 0 Comments

…Who will be the first U.S. pundit tomorrow claiming that the victory of Kris (red-state, good ol’ boy Kris) signals the revolt of the Silent Majority and a sign of a turnaround for the Republican Party? My money’s on one or more of the Fox and Friends. Or would be, if anybody had any money left after betting it all on Adam.
American Idol: Adam Lambert and some other guy

By Aaron Wherry - Tuesday, May 19, 2009 at 9:13 PM - 9 Comments

A running diary of this season’s penultimate episode

FOR A DIARY OF WEDNESDAY NIGHT’S FINALE CLICK HERE

And so then there were two. Which is to say then there was one. Just one undeserving contestant with a chance to beat Adam Lambert. Just one undeserving contestant standing between us and a heated debate over America’s willingness to accept a possibly gay American Idol.

It’s Adam Lambert. It’s some other guy. We’re either getting the most compelling Idol in the show’s history or we’re reigniting the culture wars. We can’t lose.

Herein a running diary of this season’s penultimate episode of American Idol. It’ll be like a live blog. Only with the benefit of me having more time to work out the jokes.

8:00pm. Ryan Seacrest opens the show in an expensive-looking suit. Is there anyone in pop culture whose success is more disproportionate to his identifiable talents? He’s a sort of genius.

8:05pm. Our first commercial break and our first Conservative attack ad.

8:09pm. Adam’s up first. In an interview with his parents we learn that he was a troublesome child who screamed a lot. Which is remarkable and telling because that only describes approximately 64% of all infants.

8:10pm. Adam reprises his Gary Jules-inspired version of the Tears for Fears’ classic Mad World. Dry ice and spooky lights. Lambert looks like a cross between David Bowie and the Undertaker.

8:13pm. Randy Jackson gives him an A for Adam. Randy Jackson is basically a Seasame Street character brought to life.

8:15pm. Next up it’s Kris Allen. Apparently he convinced his parents to pay him to sing when he was a child. Which is altogether rather impressive.

8:17pm. Ain’t No Sunshine on the piano. There are a dozen hotel bars in the southeastern United States that regularly feature more interesting performers.

8:18pm. Judges commence over-enthusing about Allen’s performance so as to justify the next 45 minutes and guard themselves against an upset tomorrow night. “You awaken the spirit in all of us,” says Paula. You get the feeling Paula would say the same thing to her Starbucks barista in the morning.

8:23pm. Adam puts on a silver suit to perform A Change is Gonna Come. Oh the potential subtext. Oh the potential awkwardness. Strangely, it’s pretty decent.

8:28pm. Paula Abdul orgasms.

8:29pm. After giving round one to Kris, Simon tries to claim this puts Adam “back in the game.”

8:30pm. Cut to shot of Katie Holmes in the crowd covering Suri’s ears. Scientology jokes are way too easy to make at this point.

8:35pm. Back from commercial, Kris performs an acoustic version of What’s Going On? These two songs were apparently selections of the show’s producer, Simon Fuller. Is Fuller feeling a bit down about the world these days? Barack Obama got elected, dude. Everything’s cool now.

8:38pm. Simon and Randy agree it wasn’t enough. Kara DioGuardi tries to explain Kris’ vast potential to initiate social change. Or something. Paula Abdul orders a venti, no-foam, extra-hot, soy latte.

8:39pm. “Lot of symbolism tonight,” says Ryan. Er. Okay.

8:43pm. Now the two finalists perform what would be their first, instantly forgettable, single if they win, this one written by DioGuardi. Shockingly it’s about reaching for your dreams and climbing mountains and facing hurricanes and not giving up and there being no boundaries. It’s actually an interesting test. Give a singer a terrible song and see if they can salvage anything.

8:46pm. Adam gets through it. Kara claps for her own song.

8:47pm. Simon laughs at the mountains and hurricanes, declines to judge the song directly and instead just praises Lambert in general. As he’s laughing about the lyrics, you can hear Kara saying, “I know, I know.” Which is an interesting way of conceding the awfulness of your work.

8:53pm. After another commercial, Kris gives it a try. He keeps tapping his chest. Possibly in attempt to suppress the vomit.

8:55pm. “You should be very proud of what you’ve done in this competition,” Randy says. So, that sucked.

8:56pm. “I don’t want you to be judged on that song,” Kara says. So, yeah, that really sucked.

8:56pm. “I wish you the best of luck,” Paula says. So, er, good luck then.

8:57pm. Simon says Kris has made his parents proud. Ha.

9:00pm. And now Carrie Underwood is singing to a montage review of the season. There’s the blind guy. And the girl in the bikini. And the guy in the bunny suit. And a bunch of other contestants you’ve already forgotten and will never hear from again. Ah, memories.

9:03pm. And that’s it. Back tomorrow for the results. Bring your blunt objects and best window-smashing gloves. We’ll be proceeding directly to the riot if Adam doesn’t win.
Don't quit your day job

By Aaron Wherry - Wednesday, May 6, 2009 at 4:07 PM - 0 Comments

In unrelated news, here are 750 words on Adam Lambert and American Idol.
Adam Lambert can’t win? Come on.

By Aaron Wherry - Tuesday, May 5, 2009 at 10:37 AM - 74 Comments

Claiming a male singer who wears eyeliner isn’t ‘American Idol’ material is misguided

Appearing on American Idol recently, Miley Cyrus, the reigning princess of Middle America, met Adam Lambert, the gothy favourite to win this year’s contest. “Adam said I looked gorgeous, which was nice,” Cyrus later told Ryan Seacrest on the Idol host’s radio show. Asked about the potential for romance, Cyrus was less enthusiastic. “He’s not my type,” she reportedly said. “He wears eyeliner.”

Perhaps Cyrus was trying to be polite. For sure, there are greater obstacles to any potential coupling. For one, Lambert, 27, is 10 years Cyrus’s senior. For another, Cyrus is a girl. And Lambert is quite possibly gay.

Continue…